July 3, 2020
Dearest Jin,
In my last letter, I told you that if I lose my job I'd take some time off to learn a few things. But it's already July and still I haven't learn a thing except sleeping and lying around the house the whole day.
It seems like everything in my well has dried out. I'm out of any ideas. I can't write anything and I can't make anything artistic. Nothing is working out for me. I hate everything. Everything makes me angry.
I should probably start distancing myself. I don't know if it will do me good but I guess I should start on my healing process. I know I keep telling you about that, but sometimes I wonder if what I'm experiencing now is part of the healing or part of destruction. Everything that is happening is putting pressure on me. Everything is a big deal. I guess it's the Internet, isn't it? I promise I should distance myself and stay offline after Seventeen's comeback but I just can't help myself. I would always come back to Facebook and I'd see people posting about their happy and productive lives. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. My mentality is very sensitive. If I see something I'm not supposed to see, I'd go crazy. I can't stop thinking about it. Then I'd go depressed again.
I don't know what I should do anymore. I ran out of any excuses. If people tell me I'm lazy, I guess I should be lazy. If they tell me I'm not good enough, I shouldn't be good enough. I've been really having a hard time right now. I won't hope it will get better anymore. It always gets better and then it gets worse again. I'm tired.
I'm so tired.
Love always,
magicshop
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100 Letters To My Future Self
RandomTo anyone who might be reading this: This isn't a story or any other writing piece related to any character or a person other than me, but a diary-kind of personal letters written for my future self to read. Most of the contents here are private but...
