100 Letters To My Future Self

15th Letter: 365 Questions Part I

Dear Future Me,

Today, I'm going to let you in on a big secret of mine. It's not exactly a secret since you probably know most of them (You're me, after all. Only older). Instead, they're gonna be some thoughts that I'm probably never going to say out loud to anyone.

Okay, let me rephrase that.

Some thoughts I WOULD never reveal to anyone. EVER.

It's not that I think they're embarrassing but I just don't want to share stuffs like these to people because they're too private. Understand?
So do me a favor, would you? Once you read this again, don't ever share it to anybody out there. I'd prefer you answer these questions again and let's compare.

So here they are. I got them from the Internet and you won't believe how many questions there are to be answered. But I'm answering them one at a time and I'm doing great.

So 365 Thought Provoking Questions to Ask Yourself This Year...

(30 questions out of 365)

August 6, 2019

1. When was the last time you tried something new?

I couldn’t remember when it was… probably a year ago, when I cut my hair very short and thought I’d look good in it but it only ended up pointing at all directions. I really thought that I’m cutting my hair for a change, for a bolder me, but I only regretted doing it.

2. Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

My friends. Because we looked so much the same in some aspects of life and I thought maybe they’re really my soul mates but we don’t really open up to one another and we don’t really talk about stuffs. We’re all introverts but I’m the most distant among them. Sometimes it kills me when I see them socially interacting with people because I can’t do it or I don’t really like doing it. But anyway, we’re almost the same that people couldn’t recognize who is who among us. They’ll see us and they thought we’re sisters. But we’re not even related. They also mix our names and call me their names instead of mine.

3. What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say?

When elders say life is precious I finally believe they really meant it with their whole hearts. I mean, when I was young they told me not to get too attached to someone ‘cos life is too precious to waste it with people who are only passing by in your life. Didn’t really think hard on that before, until I had my heart broken, and broke someone's hearts, and get tired of all those relationships. And I realized I just wasted my life for all of those when I should have done something different and meaningful. Looking back, I realized there’s so many things I wanted to do and wish I have done them before. But then, I was so young and what does a child know about life anyway?

4. What gets you excited about life?

There’s a lot of things that get me really excited – a kdrama release, a comeback of the kpop boy bands I love, good food on the table cook by my mom, when I find books that I think are interesting, fancy notebooks to write on, Friday afternoon when it’s time to go home, seeing my parents smile, quality time with my sister and pets, and all those little things that pretty much invaded so much space in my heart.

5. What life lesson did you learn the hard way?

That you have to love yourself, because in the end it’s only you who matter the most. BTS thought me this and all those nice words from the books I’ve read in 2018. I went through a very dark process of finding myself, determining what kind of person I am and even denying what I really become, but eventually accepting everything that made me who I am in the end. It’s a long process, especially when dark times come occasionally and my break-down moments try to remind me how worthless of a person I am, but I am learning to master the techniques needed to win the fight against those darkness. In the end, I realized that time really passed and heal even the small amount of wounds I had. It may not be able to fully cover up the bleeding wounds but slowly though, I’ll heal.