It Had To Be You [CBS#1]

TWENTY FIVE

Blaise Astrilde Garzon
Chapter 25: Touch of the Past

I have never been this scared all my life. I have never been this broken. My life, almost close to perfection, despite the lack of riches, still bugs my mind up to now. For years, I have been repressing my desire of going back to my hometown, to the place where I learned to distinguish the right from wrong, to the place where I developed myself holistically, to the place... where my young and perpetual love is living in.

Home should be the place where you could find comfort. It should be the place where one would get too excited to see and visit once again. One should not supposed to be running away from his home, but my situation is.

The bleak of my nasty past is still fucking my mind up. How everything turned out to be so complicated and so difficult to deal with is still beyond me.

I am not a victim of the merciless fate, but a victim of my indecisions. No one is to be blamed, but myself alone. I was too impulsive and too naive to even weigh the situation first before coming up with a possible resolution to my problems.

"What did you do, Blaise?!" Hope scolded me in a very frustrated tone.

Hawak ko pa rin ang ibabang labi na kanina pa nanginginig habang paulit-ulit na pinapanood ang video. I cannot deny it, it is very obvious that I became too responsive to Nathan. Kahit sabihin kong mayroon akong pinagdadaanan sa tagpong 'yan, hindi pa rin tamang rason upang maisalba ko ang sarili sa kasalanang 'yon.

I clearly cheated on my boyfriend.

At wala akong matinong paliwanag doon, maliban sa tanggapin na lang ang posibilidad na malaki ang magiging epekto nito sa akin. It was my friend's birthday party, I knew that they took that they took us a video. Kinabukasan din n'un, nakiusap ako sa kanilang burahin iyon, only to find out that they have already posted it on Facebook like it was not a big deal at all! They even tagged me in it so it successfully appeared on my timeline.

Bumaha iyon ng comments. Ang iba, nagtatanong kung ano nang meron sa'min ni Eadselle. Ang iba naman, naisip na kaagad na bagong boyfriend ko si Nathan. I had no time to read those comments, though. All I want is to talk to Eadselle and apologize to him.

Gusto kong magalit sa mga katrabaho ko. Ngunit mas galit ako sa sarili ko dahil unang-una, hindi iyon mangyayari kung nanatili na lang ako sa bahay.

"H-Hope... I... I was drunk!" tanging naisagot ko. Hindi katanggap-tanggap na paliwanag.

"That is so stupid! Umiinom din naman ako, ah! Nalasing na rin ako, Blaise! Nahihilo lang ako pero alam ko kung anong ginagawa ko!"

Mas lalo akong napahikbi. Hindi niya maintindihan. Ayoko ring ipaintindi dahil sino man, walang tatanggap sa dahilan ko. Even I, myself, consider my reasons futile. Paano pa kaya ang iba?

I wasn't emotionally stable that time. I was sinking with my frustrations. I had so many problems. But I know, those things are not enough reasons to commit such unethical action. Ano man ang paliwanag ko, maling-mali. At napakasakit na hindi ko magawang pakalmahin ang sarili ko dahil maliwanag sa aking kasalanan ko ang lahat.

"I-I could not contact him anymore, Hope." natataranta kong sinabi habang pinapalis ang luha.

Right after knowing about the video, I immediately tried to call him on messenger but he was unreachable. It's funny how I intentionally ignored all his calls and messages the last weeks. Ngayon na kailangang-kailangan ko siyang makausap, hindi ko na siya ma-contact.