You're Not Alone

Chapter 16

Clarke's POV

I was sitting in my room with tears in my eyes. I hurted her. She's already been through this once. I was mad at Costia for that but Im just like her.

„Clarke can you help me-" Madi walked into my room.
I quickly wiped my tears away.
„Yeah what do you need help with?" I asked with my eyes still watery.
„What happened to you?" Madi asked me as she sat down.
„It's nothing." I shook my head and gave her sad smile.
„Tell me. Why were you crying?" She just couldn't let it go.
„Its about Lexa and I."
„Did she hurt you?!" Madi's eyes shot wide open.
„No. No she would never do that. Today when we were in the park, she told me she loved me."
„Oh my god. That's a good thing isn't it? I mean you love her too right?"She said with excitement.
„No it's not. Im with Finn." Madi's face expression immediately changed.
„What do you mean you're with Finn? You cheated on her?!" She was angry at this point.
„No I...we weren't even together. She asked me today."
„But you were in love and you were kissing and stuff like couples do! How is she?"
„I have no idea-"
„You're so stupid. How could you do that to her?! She was in love with you! You were always so overprotective when Costia was around and you hate her for what she's done but you're just like her! You did the exact same thing!" She yelled at me and my eyes were watery again.
„How do you know all of this?"
„Aden told me everything. He loves his sister and would do anything for her, not like you! All you did was use her! Wake up!" Madi yelled and ran out of my room with loud bang.
I broke down. Lexa hates me and now Madi does too. I felt guilty like never before. I decided to do some school work and take my mind off of it.
.
.
.
I woke up and got ready for school. I was nervous like never before because I knew I had to face Lexa.
„Good morning." I told Madi but she didn't even look at me. I sighed and ate my breakfast.

I drove to school and met everyone in parking lot.
„Hey Clarkie!" Raven hugged me and I hugged her back.
„Where's Lexa?" Bellamy asked. They had really good friendship for this past month.
„I don't know." I shrugged.
„Maybe she stayed home because of her leg." Lincoln said.
Finn approached us. Bellamy looked at him with mad expression. He didn't like him just like Lexa.
„Hey." He pulled me in for a kiss and put his arm around my waist.
We recieved confused looks.
„Oh yeah. Me and Clarke are officialy together." I gave them a weak smile with guilt.
Octavia and Raven gave me 'what the fuck' look and raised their eyebrows.
„Clarke. Can I talk to you for a second?" Octavia grabbed my hand and pulled me away from others with Raven.
„What the fuck is going on?!" Octavia asked.
„I love him O."
„And what about Lexa?! Did you at least tell her?" Raven was mad.
„Yea she knows." I said.
„Did you seriously fall for him?! He tried to cheat on me with you. He's a cheater-" Raven said.
„No he's not!" I yelled at her.
„You always hated Costia for what she did to Lexa. But you did the same thing!" Octavia yelled at me and slapped my head lightly.
„Get yourself together!" Raven said and they both walked away.

I approached them with guilt in my eyes but weak smile.
„We called Lexa but she's not picking up." Bellamy said. He was worried. He really liked Lexa a lot.
„She's fine guys." Murphy said and we walked to class.
I texted her because I was worried too.

Clarke: hey im sorry

Clarke: are you coming?

Clarke: we're worried lexa at least pick up

Not like I expected her to respond.
I couldn't stop thinking about what they told me. They are right. I hated Costia for what she's done, for leaving Lexa behind when she needed her, for betraying her for another boy. I did the same. I felt so much guilt.
The class ended and I went to library. I got my coffee and sat down just thinking about everything.
„Hey." A voice interrupted my thoughts.
„Hey Wells." I said without any emotion.
„Woah why so depressed?" He chuckled but immediately regret it.
„Okay sorry. What's wrong?"
„Long story short. I dumped someone for someone else." I sighed.
„Oh you mean Lexa for Finn?" I choked on my coffee.
„How did you know?"
„I mean, Lexa loves you. Everyone can see those hearteyes she gives you. And Finn, everybody knows he wants you. I just figured." He said.
„I don't think that what I and Lexa had was real. It's just a phase right?" I asked hopefully and thought that he will finally be the one who understands and not yells at me.
„Clarke. There's no such a thing like a phase. People say that just because they doen't want to admit that they are homophobic. If you love someone, it doesn't matter if it's guy or girl, if you love them that's all that matters. If you left Lexa just because you thought it was weird to be with girl or you're just scared of being with girl and you used phase for an excuse, no wonder why she's mad." He said. He didn't wanted to hurt me with his words. He understood me but he just explaind it to me.
„She's mad because she said she loves me and asked me to be her girlfriend but I said I love Finn. And that what we had wasn't even real. We've been dating for over a month and now I told her this." I felt tears in my eyes again.
„That sucks. But you have to talk to her and explain everything." He held my hand and looked me in the eyes.
„Thanks Wells. Really. You're the only one who didn't yell at me or showed some kind of madness." I chuckled through tears.
„Oh come on. You're not gonna cry are you?" He smiled.
I hugged him tighter as I smiled too.
I understood him.
.
.
.
„So how did it happen?" Raven asked like she was actually interested but we knew she wasn't.
„We don't know. It just happened. You can't stop feelings you know?" He smiled at me and kissed me.
I noticed Raven's disgusted face as she rolled her eyes.
„Get a room." Bellamy said annoyed.
Bellamy was one of my closest friends. He was like a brother to me. I would never forgive myself if I'd lost him for what I did.
„When can Lexa play again?" Lincoln asked.
„I think in a week-"
„Can we finally talk about something else then Lexa?" I was mad and annoyed because I couldn't take more guilt than I felt already.
We were silent for a moment but then O spoke up.
„Party at my place. Friday." She said and everyone nodded.
„Do you think Lexa will come?" Bellamy asked like he was doing it on purpose, he was literally staring into my soul. I felt uncomfortable. He never looked at me with so much hate.
„We can try call her." Octavia said.
„I'll be right back." Lincoln went to call her.