You're Not Alone

Chapter 20

Lexa's POV

„Lexa?"
Clarke gasped and ran to me with arms wide open.
„Hey-" She cut me off as she jumped at me that I almost fell.
„What are you doing here?" She asked with excitement.
„I came here to have fun." I smiled when she pulled away but still held me.
„But... why are you here. You're supposed to be home."
„I thought I would surprise you." I leaned in to kiss her but stopped just when our lips were about to touch. Her eyes were watery.
„Were you crying?" I stroked her cheek with my thumb.
„No. Bellamy just did a stupid joke that's all." I looked over at him and frowned my eyebrows. He gave me apologizing smile.
„Hey Lexa." All of them greeted me one by one and continued the movie.
„Would you mind showing me my room?" I smirked and she nodded and pulled me upstairs. We heard whistles downstairs and just rolled our eyes.
„Here."
„Oh but that one is already occupied."
„I don't mind company." She smirked and kissed me. She pushed me against the wall and tried to pinn my hands to the wall but I turned her around and pinned her.
„You still think you're stronger, don't you?" I smirked before kissing her again. I trailed my kisses down her jawline until I reached her neck. I placed small kisses there but stopped when I heard her moan.
She gave me a confused look as I took a step back.
„Why did you stop?" She said out of breath.
„I- I can't. Im sorry." I couldn't face her.
„It's fine Lexa. Don't worry about it. Plus others are downstairs."
I gave her a weak smile and we walked downstairs.
„Took you long enough." Octavia and Raven smirked.
Clarke frowned and I sat on the armchair with Clarke on my lap and blanket over us.
„What are we watching?" I whispered to her.
„I have no idea." She chuckled quietly and payed attention to the movie again.
But I didn't.
Memories from past were running through my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the night at the party. I was drunk and hooked up with a random girl. It was the time I was with Costia. I didn't know what I was doing. We had fun and everything we ever wanted but in the morning, reality hit me again.
I've never told Costia but I had regrets. I still do. I could never forgive myself for what I did and I swore I would never drink again or do that kind of stuff with people. Even tho I want Clarke, really badly, I can't.
„Are you okay?" Clarke snapped me out of my thoughts.
„Yeah yeah. All good." Fake smile appeared on my face.
„What were you thinking about?"
„Uhh nothing really. Just random things."
„And those are?" She just can't let it go, can she?
„Uhh... just um..Anya and Aden. Yeah. I was wondering what are they doing right now." I saved it somehow.
„It's cute that you think about them all the time." She smiled.
„I don't. You're the only one I think about all the time." I kissed her and we continued watching.
I still didn't pay attention but Clarke didn't notice this time.

„It was so emotional." Raven sobbed and wiped her tears away.
Clarke did the same. Bellamy gave me a 'seriously?' look because he didn't cry as well.
„It wasn't even that sad." He said.
„It was! It was true lovestory!" Octavia yelled at him while she cried.
„You didn't cry?" Clarke turned her head around and faced me.
„No. Why should I?" I asked with smile.
„They both fucking died for each other!" She cried even more.
„Oh.. yeah I know." She knew I didn't pay attention but she didn't tell me.
Once we're in our bedroom, she will ask me.

„Good night guys!" Lincoln said.
„And no naughty business!" Raven winked before she closed the door.
I rolled my eyes and walked towards our bed and laid down.
„Eey. Look at that. My hoodie." I cheered as I saw that Clarke had it like her pj.
„I thought you wouldn't come so I wanted to feel like you're here." She said shyly.
It warmed my heart to hear that. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down to the bed with me.
„Lexa?" She asked after a while of laying in silence.
„Hmm?" I hummed with my eyes closed.
„What were you thinking about during the movie? I know you didn't pay attention." She looked worried.
„I was paying attention." I said to defend myself and to avoid the conversation about my thoughts.
„At least don't lie to me." She took my hands in hers when she sat on the bed across me.
„When I was at the party a long time ago, when I was dating Costia, I uhm...I was really drunk and I hooked up with someone. I didn't know her. We had fun and stuff but in the morning I realized that it was a mistake. Costia never knew but I felt guilt any regrets anyway. I swore I will never drink again and do that with anyone. That's why I can't do it. Althought I want to." I sighed after I finished and bit my bottom lip.
„Lexa look. It's okay. I don't push you into anything." She smiled and I smiled back.
„Can we get some sleep now? Im really tired after that 4 hour drive." I yawned.
„Yeah sure." I laid down with her in my arms and closed my eyes.
„I love you, so much." I sighed.
„I love you too." She kissed my hand and drifted off to sleep.
.
.
.
„Lexa! Wake up!" I heard screams from downstairs. I woke up to an empty bed. I went downstairs and saw everyone around the table eating.
„Morning." I yawned and rubbed my eyes.
„Good morning sleepy head." Bellamy joked.
„Why so early?" I asked still half alseep.
„It's 11:35 Lexa. It's not THAT early." Raven chuckled.
„Where's Clarke?" My eyes shot open when I didn't see her at the table.
„Don't worry she's gone for a walk with Lincoln." Bell smiled.
„Why didn't she wake me up, I could've gone with her."
„You don't have to go everywhere she goes." Murphy said with annoyance.
His words hit me a little bit. Does Clarke feel the same way? Maybe I should really give her some space.
„That was rude Murphy!" Octavia slapped him.
„Im just saying.." He held his hands up.
„Come, sit down. Eat something." Bellamy gestured but I shook my head still lost in what Murphy said.
„Thanks but Im not hungry." I smiled and politely decilaned. After that I ran upstairs and changed into something I could go out in.
„Well you fucked up Murphy." Raven told him after I left.