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I find no comfort in sleep, instead the minute I close my eyes my mind whirls. I could blame the whisky Ada kept refilling or I could blame the ache in my chest. It's most likely a mixture of both. To be here on the sofa instead of wrapped up in his arms feels wrong. Every other time I've slept here since we were children I would sleep beside Finn. It was never more than just sleeping and most times we never even touched, but right now I wanted to. Right now I wanted his limbs wrapped around mine. His face nuzzled into the crook of my neck, and his soft breathing in my ear like a child's lullaby rocking me into sweet dreams. I gathered the blanket Polly had draped over me and quietly creep up the steps. Maybe he can't sleep either. I softly knock on Finn's bedroom door my heart falling even further in my chest when I peer inside and discover he is in fact fast asleep. He looks serine even. I go to close the door but a loud creek ripples through the room making Finn jump up.
"Who they fucks there!" He demands reaching for the gun that's tucked into his bedside table. He blinks until his eyes adjust and he realizes that it's not a threat it's just me. "Jo what's wrong, come here."
"No. I shouldn't. I'm sorry I woke you," I close the door and walk back down the stairs. Why am I so fucking stupid.
"Jo come on. Love what's wrong." Finn follows me I can tell he's barely awake by the way he's stumbling to catch up with me but my feet won't slow down.
"Fuck you." I mumble not loud enough for him to hear or so I think. His hand wraps around my wrist pulling me to a halt.
"Josephine talk to me," Finn sighs. I turn to him hoping it's dark enough to have my puffy eyes and wet cheeks hidden. "Joey please. Why did you come up to my room."
"You have nothing to prove Finn," I looked up and him regretting my decision to say that to him.
"Oh?"
"I know I shouldn't have listened in but you were acting weird since I got here and whoever you think you need to prove something you don't. You're the best guy I know." I blurt. "I'm sorry I've overstepped."
"You know I love you right Jo," Finn cupped my face in his hands. "You'll never overstep. Let's go to bed we can talk more in the morning." I nodded and let me walk him up to his bedroom. Within minutes Finn was fast asleep. He had his arms tightly wrapped around my waist and was nuzzled against me. It was everything I wanted but somehow it didn't feel like I hoped it would.
—
When I woke up I was met by Finns smiling face. I wasn't sure how long he had been awake, but I knew for sure he was smiling at the fact that the snores I produced came from someone my size. "It's too early for teasing," I groaned hitting him with my pillow. "I know I sound like a train horn my sisters tell me all the time."
"I like waking up to you beside me. You look so peaceful and there's no hitting," Finn grinned rolling on top of me so he could squish me. "Did you mean what you said last night about me not having to prove anything?"
"Of course I meant it. Now get off I can't breath," I coughed dramatically. "I love you too Finn."
"How Ada loves Freddie or how Ada loves me?" I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. "Don't answer. Forgot I asked that that was a dumb question let's go get breakfast. Finn pulled on his clothes as fast as he could, leaving me on his bed. I quickly changed into what Ada provided me for the day and ran down to the kitchen.
"You don't get to run away on me like that Finn Shelby." I scolded.
"I do." He shot back.
"But I want to tell you my answer." I sighed grabbing his hand.
"I don't think I want to know it anymore though."
"That's to ducking bad isn't it, because I'm about to tell you." I let out a sharp breath before making sure Finn was looking at me. He looked terrified as I opened my mouth to speak. "How Ada loves Freddie is how I love you."
"Jo I'm giving you a ride come on," Tommy popped his head into the kitchen interrupting Finn from saying anything in response. Tommy furrows his brows looking between the pair of us. "Am I interrupting?"
"No." I kissed Finns cheek. "I'll see you later Finn yeah?" He nodded a smile spreading across his face. I had a feeling he liked my answer.
