social | meanie

forty four

it was now mid november. it's been three months since mingyu and wonwoo had last talked to each other. three months of the two of them carrying the burden and pain of not seeing each other on their backs.

whenever mingyu walked past wonwoo's house, he would always have the temptation to just knock on the door and tell wonwoo everything he has been feeling and keeping in, but he couldn't do that. wonwoo wanted time away from him, and he wasn't going to go back on wonwoo's request.

but still, it felt like he's being stabbed every time, seeing wonwoo happy, without him being the reason for that smile. he felt like seeing him happy, without mingyu, mingyu somehow got his answer from that alone. to mingyu, it gave him the finality that wonwoo wasn't going to love him back. it was enough.

the big problem is that he still wants to be friends with him even though wonwoo already broke his heart. he's stupid, he knows that. being at this for months just made the feeling stick more. can he still do it? he didn't know. will it hurt more? probably. but he's still willing to try. it's an ongoing cycle that might not stop any time soon, and someone would probably need to save him from it.

however, he hasn't approached wonwoo yet. a part of him isn't ready to face wonwoo, but he knew that if he doesn't do it now, when will he ever. but he was still hesitant, and just told himself he could still do it. he could still hold up for wonwoo for a little while longer.

as the holidays were coming up, he wanted to visit his family in his hometown. his parents moved out and gave the house to mingyu. maybe having this time away from everything would help.

he took one of his small suitcases from the attic, dusting it off and checking if the quality was still stable. once he did, mingyu pulled out a few pairs of clothes that would last him a few weeks, he didn't need as many since he probably had some back home.

the flight was late at night and he stood outside on his doorstep in the cold, shivering as the last glimpse of sunlight disappeared behind the horizon. mingyu was looking at his phone, impatiently waiting for his uber to arrive and take him to the airport.

he heard the kicking of stones, feet being dragged along the concrete side walk. mingyu looked up from his phone, wondering who it was, but noticed a familiar figure. "wonwoo?"

the other person lifted their head from the ground and looked in the direction of their name being called out. "oh... mingyu, hey."

mingyu walked down the cobble pathway leading to the metal gate with his suitcase by his side. "how have you been?" mingyu asked.

"i'm okay, how about you?" wonwoo gave mingyu a small smile. a smile that still sent butterflies to mingyu's stomach.

"i'm okay, too. it's nice seeing you again, wonwoo. i know it has only been a few months since we last talked or seen each other but — it feels like it has been a long time."

"i know, i'm sorry." wonwoo replied, looking down as he couldn't bear looking at mingyu's angelic face any longer. he still felt bad for just suddenly disappearing on him and giving him the silent treatment.

"there's no need for you to apologise, wonwoo. i'll be happy to give you all the time that you need. we're... still friends, right?" mingyu asked, a sad smile appearing on his face.

wonwoo bit his lip and awkwardly stood there for a moment, not really knowing  what to say. to be honest, he hadn't been ready to see mingyu yet. his mind had been preoccupied with everything that has happened and although he decided that it would be better for them not to pursue this friendship with mingyu, he still hasn't ended it with him yet. with mingyu stood in front of him, he still couldn't say the words. "it's not the right time yet," that's what he kept saying to himself.

"about that, umm, i might need more..." wonwoo started to say.

"... more time?" mingyu stared sadly at wonwoo. he could feel mingyu's gaze burn at him. please stop looking at me like that. thankfully, mingyu finally looked away and wonwoo felt a great weight being lifted off of him. "... i understand."

a black car pulled up in front of them, mingyu realising it was his ride to the airport. he looked at wonwoo with a smile on his face. "i'll be going. enjoy your holdidays, wonwoo. i hope you're happy."

wonwoo watched as mingyu walked to the boot of the car, lifting his luggage in and stepped inside one of the back seats, the car driving off into the distance to disappear into the lit up city.

the last few words mingyu said kept repeating in his head. "i hope you're happy."

he wanted to believe he was happy. he wants to try and start believing in it as well. but the question still remained — what exactly made him happy?

mingyu stared at the passing trees as the drove through the bustling city, even though it was quite late at night. even his own words still rung in his ears. he always tells wonwoo that he should be happy, that he should love himself and always be positive.

but when will he be happy? when will he be able to be happy without going through all the suffering and the intermingled pain that comes along with it. he truly didn't know, but he believes it will be all worth it in the end. that he can still survive for a little longer, just for wonwoo.

many times mingyu has thought, what if i let go? would it be easier? would it cause me more grief? or will it be easier to move on? parting ways with the one he loved seemed like the most painful thing for him to do, but maybe it could be for the better.

mingyu has never been so confused and unsure.

ive been doing so much Shakespeare stuff on Romeo and Juliet and it made me realise that some of the stories if have prepared are like Shakespeare tragedies asjsjs because there's so much angst and death.

i know i might be dragging this part out a little bit too much but i want the really angsty part to make sense and have it at least seem sad enough for what i'm aiming for.

oh and ik my author notes aren't meant to be this long but STORY TIME: i was getting on the bus at the bus station and because it was the first stop, there were a lot of extra seats around me. but for some reason this dude comes and sits next to me.. like REALLY close. btw he looked around the same age as me.

at first i just found it weird and just kept looking at my phone to make it seem like i was busy BUT THEN the dude legit put his arm like around-behind me in a way. LIKE HIS ARM WAS TOUCHING MY BACK. and im just thinking  'WHAT IN DA FUCK IS THIS DUDE DOING'

then he like put his arm down at his side and honestly HIS HAnD WAS SO CLOSE IT WAS TOUCHING MY THIGH. I WAS LEGIT PANICKING AND HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. he wasn't even good looking either lmao T.T

he kept putting his arm around me and taking it off for 15 MINUTES !! 15 FUCKING MINUTES. he legit just sat there eating his gummy worms and making me freak the fuck out. he then got off and im just here thinking, what. the. fuck.

anyway thanks for letting me rant on here (if you read it lmao) asjsjssjsj,,, and thank you for reading :))