social | meanie

thirty nine

love. love is strong word, a word that you can't just throw around without meaning. love can come in any type of form, whether it's in the form of a hobby, an item or a person.

what do you do if you love someone? most people would say that you just show deep affection towards them, that everything is always okay and happy when you're with the person you love. that you feel like you're on cloud nine whenever you're with them, that nothing can go wrong when you're in love.

but that's a lie.

love and happiness doesn't come by easily. you can't feel love and happiness until you've experienced the pain that comes with it. you would never truly feel happiness unless you've been hurt so many times, you finally learn your lesson. people can't be happy when they have lingering feelings. people abuse the word love, and love itself can be someone's weapon to kill you, to betray you, to hurt you.

no one can truly define what love is, because it's dfferent for everyone. you can walk into love blind and not realise what's happening, you would be so in love that you don't realise how toxic your lover could be. you realise later how much you suffered just so the person you love can be happy, because you'd do anything for them, wouldn't you? people even put their life on the line for their lover, and still wonder why they walk out and leave them in the dark. quite foolish if i do say so myself, don't you think?

this is something kim mingyu didn't know. he didn't realise that the light inside him was slowly growing dimmer. he was becoming weaker and weaker and wasn't taking care of himself, not thinking of his own sanity, not thinking of his own well being. and when that light finally goes out, who will be there to relight it?

"don't you think soonyoung has been acting off these past few days?" wonwoo asked, walking along the edge of the han river. prom ended a few hours ago and the two decided to go on a walk before they went home. "like yeah, tonight he was acting like his normal self, but he hasn't been spending a lot of time with us or even jihoon."

"maybe he's busy? you're all graduating soon, so he might've been busy applying for university." mingyu suggested. he continued to walk until he realised that wonwoo wasn't by his side anymore. he turned around to see wonwoo sitting by the edge of the river, feet dangling above the water. the reflection of the moon gleamed on the surface of the water, small waves and ripples curving and then disappearing into nothing. "wonwoo?"

mingyu sat down next to wonwoo, crossing his legs, looking at the elder. wonwoo stared out into the distance, watching as people on the other side of the river pass by. "what's up?" mingyu asked.

"just been thinking about some stuff, mainly what you said earlier." wonwoo replied. "did you... did you really mean it?"

"i meant every word. why do you think i didn't mean what i said?" mingyu questioned.

"it's just... hard, to explain. i tend to easily believe what everyone says to me, and then it turns out not to be true and that they're just playing with my feelings. i know it makes me seem like i have major trust issues but it's true. the amount of times i've been hurt just because i had trusted people too easily is the sad truth that i caused for myself. i guess that's partly why i was hesitant to talk to you; that and i had social anixiety."

"wonwoo..."

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm not the best person to be around. i'm sorry if i made things boring tonight when you wanted to enjoy it. i'm sorry that i can't always make you happy when you need me to, i'm sorry that i'm so distant from you at random times that even i can't explain. i'm sorry for being awkward and secretive with things that i know i should be talking about, i'm sorry for being so closed off. i'm sorry for being weird with getting all excited with the smallest things; i'm sorry being the new wonwoo." wonwoo had been talking for so long that he didn't even notice mingyu was crying. "mingyu, why are you crying?"

mingyu instantly hugged wonwoo, crying into his shoulders, sharing each other's warmth to shield them from the coldness of the night. "don't say that! don't say that about yourself wonwoo. you, are an amazing person. you can be whoever you want to be and you don't need to be someone you're not just to make others satisfied. tonight was the happiest night of my life, don't think that you ruined it for me, because you didn't; tonight was perfect." mingyu took a moment to wipe away his tears and gave wonwoo a smile before continuing.

"there are so many things about you, things that make you someone everyone wants to be around. there are so many things about you that stand out to me and i will tell you this over and over again until you accept and love yourself the way i do. the way you light up when talking about books. the way you order iced chocolate with extra whipped cream because you think coffee is too bitter. the way you take care of stray cats on the streets. the way you make cheesy puns that only i laugh at. the way you're nose scrunches whenever you smile widely or laugh until you cry. the way you act all emo but is actually the softest cinnamon roll. there are so many things about you, wonwoo, that make people around you smile, happy. so many things that people love about you. everything about you, wonwoo, make me fall in love with you more."

wonwoo was taken by surprise at the last few words that came out of mingyu's mouth. he pulled away from mingyu's tight hug, looking at him with wide eyes. "w-what did you say?" mingyu's arms fell to their sides, gulping down his nervousness before choking out those three words wonwoo wasn't expecting to hear:

"wonwoo, i... i love you."