Sun & Moon

TWENTY NINE

It takes Taeyong only three glasses of champagne until he becomes significantly unaware of any social norms. The filter is removed, and his true thoughts and desires begin to pour out.

"How about a secret for a secret?" he says, his words not slurring but, rather, dancing lightly; his tone is absolutely careless. "You don't talk to me about anything."

Doyoung takes a small sip of his (of course) wine and glances at Taeyong. "What is the purpose of doing anything like that?"

Taeyong gulps down half a glass of champagne, demonstrating such a stark contrast in actions that Doyoung cannot help but slightly laugh to himself. "Do you like cats or dogs better? One, two, three."

"Cats."

"Dogs."

"Of course you do." Doyoung shakes his head and takes another small sip.

"Okay, I'll go first. I miss my mom," Taeyong bluntly states. Doyoung pauses all his actions, suddenly becoming frozen all over for only the slightest of seconds. Taeyong does not notice and drawls on after finishing his fourth glass. "She died when I was in high school. Von hippo syndrome or something, I don't even remember anymore." Taeyong reaches for his glass, but when he sees it's empty, he grabs Doyoung's wine glass instead. "And I didn't know my dad, you know? My parents separated when I was really young." He takes a deep breath and suddenly, the words flow out. "That's why this new job is so important to me.

"My mom was working, and my dad wasn't there. The news was always on at home, and, I don't know, I saw those guys in suits all clean and smart on TV, and I thought that's how an adult should really be like. That's what an adult should be like. Not abandoning his wife and kid. He should be like that.

"So I miss my mom. She worked so hard for me. I wish she could see me now." Taeyong finishes the wine and sighs to himself.

Lead and silver flow through Doyoung's veins. He feels heavy and cold all over. He's not sure what he wants to do now, but he does know he wants everything to come to an absolute standstill.

You're human, and you can't help but feel certain ways. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if you don't like it, I'm here for you.

Doyoung doesn't know why, but he starts crying. It comes as a bit of a shock to him; he didn't think he'd ever allow himself to do that. His voice is quiet; there is no sobbing or sniffling. Only the slow stream of icy cold trailing down his cheek.

"I miss my mother too."

Why not. It's not like he'll remember.

Taeyong blinks. "Huhhh? Yours is dead too?"

Doyoung softly smiles to himself and quickly wipes away his tears. "No. I just miss her."

Taeyong's eyes narrow, and he sits up straight. His cheeks are tinged bright red, and his eyes keep blinking heavily as if he's trying to prevent himself from falling asleep. "You're a goddamn idiot."

This time, Doyoung blinks. "What are you talking about?"

"If you miss her, go see her!" Taeyong exclaims. "I'd do anything to see my mom again. And yours is here, but you don't do anything about it? That's your fault!"

A slight frown of annoyance appears on Doyoung's face. "You are not in the position to say something like that. You don't know my circumstances."

"Shut the fuck up. I am in the position. This is unfair. I don't know what type of sob story you have, but it's unfair. You can still see her. You can still make things right." Taeyong's lips quiver, but he quickly bites it and sighs instead. He shakes his head and looks for something to drink but groans when he realizes he's consumed every last bit of it.

Thoughts of confusion run through Doyoung's mind, like rain down an already rapid stream. The concept is easier said than done, and his stomach still explodes in waves of anxiousness at the thought of it. He gulps and puts the thought aside when he notices Taeyong suddenly falling asleep.

Doyoung sets all emotions aside and calms himself down. "Could I get the check?" he says when a waiter finally comes in.

. . .

It had taken the waiter and Doyoung to drag a half-awake Taeyong out the restaurant and into a taxi. By the time Doyoung gets home, sleep had been anxiously tugging on his sleeve for the longest of times, and exhaustion washes over him.

He glances at his mail and shuffles through them at the dining table briefly. The tab for the bar catches his eye when he sees an unfamiliar drink on the bill. "A coke and a beer, huh," Doyoung mumbles under his breath. He smiles to himself and sets the bill on the table before heading to bed.

Acceptance is not a reaction, but it is a step closer.