Taeyong does a lot of thinking. The warm, June wind rustles his hair. The concrete bench is somehow comfortable since the bright sun had been gleaming on it since morning. The ambiance is quite gentle in the hospital garden. Taeyong can spot a patient walking with a family member or being wheeled around by a nurse. It feels so calming and hopeful, but Tayeong's heart is heavy and grim.
He's accepted that he'll die. Taeyong thinks it's a certain fact, bound to happen since it's his fate. Although it's a bit scary, it rests comfortably in the back of Taeyong's mind. Perhaps being able to accept it is what makes Taeyong feel much calmer than he should be feeling. The doctor had mentioned that the hema-whatevers could form in the brain and spinal cord. From that statement, Tayeong deduced he had some sort of brain cancer. He thought it was a bit funny, albeit morbid; but he had felt glad hearing that he could possibly have some medical excuse for his occasional stupidity.
Taeyong balances his elbow on his thigh, resting his face on his hand as he thinks. Okay, so he'll die. He's not sure if he wants to before or after he reaches 30. It would be nice to live longer, but Taeyong also thinks that dying young is cooler. He shakes off the thought when he realizes it's out his control.
There are more important things to think about. Sungyeol. Doyoung. Taeyong's entire chest buzzes with anxiety. It envelopes him, and the somber reality is about to sink in. He tries to ignore it, but Taeyong can feel himself begin to take it seriously until he nearly cries. "Oh my God, Doyoung," he murmurs into his hands. His voice shakes, even breaking a bit.
Although he isn't exactly the one losing Doyoung, the idea of not being able to see him makes Taeyong's throat go dry. His heart feels heavy, and it's as if he's barely swimming in murky water, the creatures of the depths trying to pull him in. Taeyong bites his lip, trying to hold back the sob that would confirm his reality.
Taeyong realizes he loves Doyoung a lot. He loves Doyoung much too much for him to get hurt. So as the sun begins to set behind him, Taeyong knows what he must do.
He cannot bear Doyoung to miss him. So he must make Doyoung hate him.
YOU ARE READING
Sun & Moon
Fanfictie"When my moon rises, your sun rises as well under the same sky. In this different time, our hearts are connected under the same sky."
