Sun & Moon

SIXTY ONE

It is hard for both Doyoung and Taeyong to contact the other first. Truthfully speaking, both of them felt incredibly terrible about the situation only moments after it happened. But pride has a way of holding one back from admitting their faults. Their hubris prevents them from saying a single word to each other, and their dates come to a pause for the moment being.

"Why are you coming home earlier now?" Jiyeon asks as a sulky Doyoung enters his loft. "You used to go out all the time."

Doyoung flops on the sofa, loosening his tie and leaning his head back. "Since Taeyong thinks I'm such a workaholic, I might as well go along with that and just focus on work," he grumbles.

A brilliant, all-knowing smirk paints Jiyeon's face. "Awhh, did you guys have a fight?" She laughs elegantly and walks over to Doyoung to sit down next to him. She twirls a lock of hair around her finger as she turns her body towards her friend, already preparing herself for his angry rant.

And so, Doyoung begins. Vexations and irritations escape Doyoung's mouth like water flowing out a dam. "And that's what happened," he finishes with a grouch.

Jiyeon nods sympathetically. "I'm on your side. He's so bratty. Why is he forcing you to do more than what you're comfortable with?" she says, her voice absolutely reassuring. "I mean, he's dating you for you. He should know better than to have expectations that are out of character for you."

Doyoung smiles, glad to hear the affirmation from someone as knowledgable as Jiyeon. But her words also flash through his mind. Uncomfortable? Is it because he's uncomfortable? Or is it because he just hasn't thought about it? Doyoung shakes his head of any doubts.

I'm in the right, he tells himself.

So he moves on, deciding to hold his silence.

. . .

A few ways from Doyoung's home, Taeyong and Sungyeol engage in a similar conversation.

"What an idiot!" Sungyeol exclaims after hearing Taeyong whine. "What a loser! What type of dumb-dumb chooses work over you?" He throws his hands up animatedly, making both himself and Taeyong excited.

Taeyong jumps up from his seat on the couch and nods enthusiastically. "Right? That's what I thought too! He could at least try to give me some more attention."

Sungyeol shakes his head. "He's stupid, that's all."

The two continue to exchange this same conversation, over and over again, their rants and insults only fueling their energy. They hop around the living room, like frogs at a pond.

But at the very back of Taeyong's mind, he can't help but wonder if he's being too pushy. Maybe, it's unfair of himself to ask so much from Doyoung who initially had such a difficult time just making friends.

But Doyoung is different now, Taeyong thinks. So I'm not being unfair. I'm right.

So he moves on, deciding to hold his silence.

. . .

Another week passes, and there is still no contact. Pride only lasts so long before it fades away, leaving the leftover feelings of worry and apprehension. Although they do not know it, Doyoung and Taeyong currently feel the same. They feel embarrassed about letting their self-esteem replace their rationale.

He's probably still mad at me, they both think. That's why he hasn't called me yet.

A large ego and overthinking alike bring about miscommunication, the type that if not cleared out, grows to become a wedge in a relationship.

. . .

It doesn't take long for Taeyong to feel irritated again. He bites his lip in frustration, just thinking about Doyoung. His eyebrows knit together without him even realizing. The anchor next to him has to tell him that they will be live soon, so maybe he shouldn't look so angry.

"Oh, sorry," Taeyong murmurs.

Taeyong isn't quite sure who he's mad at, at this point. Maybe he's mad at Doyoung. Maybe he's mad at himself. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes how close the answer is. He starts feeling incredibly upset with himself, hating himself for being the way he is.

It's his own inferiority. He hates how compared to Doyoung, he's immature and clingy. Doyoung is sophisticated and calm. Taeyong is not. Doyoung is intelligent and clever. Taeyong wishes he were, but he's not.

His own mediocrity washes over him and makes him forget that Doyoung was the one who loved him first.

. . .

Doyoung's days at work are dreary and boring. He often finds himself glancing at a certain polar bear. It sits in front of him each day, at the seat across his desk. Director Kong seems to always be frowning at him as if he is saying, "You silly goose. If you want something, then go for it. Life is only so long. Do what comes to mind rather than just thinking about it."

"Are you related to Jeong Jiyeon?" Doyoung murmurs, staring at the bear. But the advice is not from Jiyeon; it's from his own imagination so, in a sense, it's Doyoung's very own advice that he can't seem to follow.

Doyoung closes his laptop and rests his chin in his hand, his elbow balancing on his desk. He decides to close his eyes and think for a little bit.

He misses Taeyong. He thinks he does. Although he is a bit tired of Taeyong's juvenile antics, he can't find it in himself to dislike it. It's Taeyong's energetic, youthful ways that had made Doyoung fall in love with him. Doyoung thinks it would be immature of him to only accept the parts of Taeyong he likes. Committing to a relationship means accepting every part, the good and the bad.

If Doyoung can't even get through the bad, then he won't be able to do anything else.

So he grabs his phone and texts the person who has been on his mind.