Sun & Moon

FORTY EIGHT

"I like you."

The words leave Doyoung's mouth as does every feeling of anxiety and terror inside of him. It washes out, and all that remains is an empty feeling of loss. His mind is numb, and his body feels light as air.

Taeyong's eyes go wide momentarily before he starts to giggle. "When did you get so funny? Nice joke, I'm leaving for real now."

Doyoung realizes that he could stop now if he wanted. He can smile and agree that it is a joke and move on. But he doesn't. He finds it in himself to let everything out. It doesn't matter anymore if he would be confusing or bothering Taeyong with his feelings. Doyoung thinks he owes it to himself to come clean. It's too painful to be the only one carrying the burden.

It's a selfish decision. But it's a decision Doyoung thinks he deserves.

"I'm not joking. I'm serious. Don't keep making fun of me." His voice is a bit stronger now, but it shakes near the end.

The corners of Taeyong's mouth drops only slightly as he processes the words. "What? I'm not making fun..." Doyoung drops Taeyong's hand as the two look at each other. Realization washes over Taeyong, and the pit of his stomach fills with an overwhelming sense of guilt. "You mean it?"

Doyoung only sighs. It's a long and heavy sigh, and with it leaves all his feelings of distress. And then, remarkably, he smiles. He smiles because it's really over this time. It's not as painful as he thought it was, and now, he truly feels like he can move on.

But while Doyoung is coming to terms with himself, Taeyong's head spins with this newfound awareness. "I had no idea, I never even saw you like that," he stammers out. He discerns the potential impact of his words so he rushes to continue. "I mean, you're Kim Doyoung. I just never thought I could be someone like that to you. You're way out of my league, I was grateful we're even friends!"

"I know," Doyoung says, but he realizes he only knew that Taeyong didn't like him. The fact that Taeyong did, in fact, keep Doyoung's status at the very back of his mind is somewhat disappointing to Doyoung.

"Doyoung, I'm sorry," Taeyong sputters. "I really never even thought it was possible, I'm really-"

"Taeyong, I know." Doyoung puts his hands on Taeyong's shoulder and leans in. "I know. It's okay."

Taeyong can only nod frantically in reply. "We can still stay friends, right? I don't want our relationship to be affected by this or anything." Taeyong realizes, again, how terrible everything that comes out of his mouth sounds. "Ugh, no, I'm so stupid, I'm talking about me, you didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one that's ruining everything." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Doyoung, I'm sorry, I just need to think for a bit."

Doyoung backs away and slowly nods. "Yeah. You should go home then. I'll talk to you later, thanks for bringing my phone." Doyoung opens the door and gently pushes a frozen Taeyong out. "Get home safe."

"Y-yeah." Taeyong turns and quickly walks away.

Doyoung closes the door and flops onto his couch.

It's really over.

It feels as if Doyoung can finally move on.