Taeyong's days feel absolutely endless. It's funny to him: he thinks he's going to die, yet every day feels like an eternity. His daily routine has become repetitive and boring. He wakes up in the morning and goes to work. He does what he needs to, and when he comes back home, he takes a shower and eats dinner. He goes to bed and stares at the ceiling, counting his breaths until he falls asleep. When he wakes up, it feels like he never even slept, but the day must continue so he starts all over again.
The lack of interest in doing anything is painfully heavy. Sometimes Taeyong will go to Sungyeol's room and watch him study, but it's hard for any conversation to erupt between them. Even talking is tiring, and Taeyong would much rather lie down and stare at his surroundings.
When Taeyong gets a call from the hospital, he cannot find it in himself to pick it up. He stares at it ringing until it finally stops. Taeyong realizes how stupid he is for thinking he had accepted his fate. It's quite the opposite; he's in delusion, constantly trying to run away from his certain reality. He's like a helpless pebble at the bottom of a lake, covered by gravel and rock and the pressure of cold water. He's stuck and will remain stuck.
Another thing Taeyong berates himself for is having thought he would have moved on by now. But every night, he dreams of Doyoung. He dreams of holding his hands and his gentle, kind smile.
One night, in particular, Taeyong comes to an obvious conclusion. He's in love with Doyoung. Not just love love but in love love. A totally mesmerizing, captivating conclusion that once realized, becomes much more heavy.
Taeyong hates himself for existing. He would like to die as soon as possible so that he could just stop dealing with this extreme loneliness. Every day feels like floating in a pitch-black room, not being able to feel or see anything.
While Taeyong tries to fall asleep one time, he gets an unexpected text. It had surprised him; his days were so identical that the random 'ding' out of nowhere almost made him feel awake for the first time in forever.
Curious yet hesitant, Taeyong slowly grabs his phone to open the text.
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The message makes Taeyong gulp. Heiran is such a scary woman. He ponders for a bit, thinking about simply blocking her. But he realizes that maybe Heiran could help him. Best case scenario, she will understand and help Doyoung move on. The worst case isn't even too bad: she'll kill him out of anger, and Taeyong will die just like he's been wanting to.
