Taeyong's mind races as he waits for Doyoung to arrive. He sits at a bench, facing the Han River. Families and couples walk by, enjoying the nighttime scenery. It seems like Taeyong is the only restless person in the area. His leg shakes, and he fidgets with his finger. When he spots Doyoung approaching, he bites his lip anxiously.
Doyoung gently smiles upon setting down next to Taeyong. "Hi," he says, facing Taeyong. "What's this about?" The corners of his mouth lift in a pretty manner. The action would usually fill Taeyong with immeasurable peace, but he only feels more afraid when he sees it.
Seeing Doyoung's kind face makes Taeyong nearly erupt in tears. His throat feels dry as if he is choking on nothing. His chest is so hot that he feels suffocated. Taeyong realizes he cannot delay. Doing so would only break his heart even more, making him not want to say anything at all. He opens his mouth to speak, yet the words refuse to come out.
"Are you alright?" Doyoung asks, an eyebrow raising in worry. "You don't look too well. How was your appointment?"
Every action feels really hard. Taeyong suddenly wishes he had just never met Doyoung to begin with. He wishes that their paths had never crossed. Had they never met, maybe Taeyong wouldn't feel so miserable right now. He thinks he's the worst person alive, making Doyoung love him and then having to rip his heart out of his chest. Taeyong genuinely feels like he is drowning in the ocean; the water is so dark that he cannot even see.
"Doyoung, I don't think I can do this," Taeyong murmurs out. He runs his hand through his hair. He looks so obviously agitated as his hands shake like leaves in the winter.
His delayed fear has finally arrived. His heart hammers against his chest, making him feel like he's on the edge of chaos. The back of his neck feels ice cold, as if Chione herself whispers sultry remarks from behind him.
Oh my gosh, I'm going to die. I don't want to die. No, I don't want to leave anyone, I hate this.
"Taeyong?" Doyoung leans in, looking extremely concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Let's break up." The words are sharp and clean as they snap put of Taeyong's mouth. Taeyong gulps, knowing he cannot take back what has been said. "I don't want to be together anymore." He almost exhales, wanting to let out the agony he is drowning in. But the heavy weight of his desolation reminds him that he alone must carry this burden.
Doyoung leans back and stares at Taeyong. The worry on his face is replaced with a static lack of emotion. He seems to be thinking for a bit, but he finally speaks and says, "I don't understand why you're saying this out of nowhere. And I don't agree either. At least explain to me." Doyoung's eyes are strong and steady, but Taeyong does not fail to notice the slightest of quivers in his eyebrows.
The look on Doyoung's face is far too familiar to Taeyong. It's an old Doyoung of the past, one that is cold and emotionless to everyone around him. But Taeyong knows much too well that Doyoung is already hurt and confused. He might have been tricked by Doyoung's businesslike mannerisms had he not already known Doyoung so well.
"There's nothing to explain," Taeyong blurts out, trying to keep an edge to his voice. "I don't like you anymore."
Subtle shock fights its way to Doyoung's face, but it's quickly replaced with a dark flash in his eyes. "Okay." His voice is placid, hinting that only brief statements will be said from now on.
The lack of response is so incredibly frustrating to Taeyong. He doesn't want to go any further, yet Doyoung's calm demeanor makes him feel as if he has to push it all the way. "Do you get it? You're not the first person I've liked, so it only makes sense you're not the last either." The words rush out desperately, Taeyong utilizing each sentence like a bullet. He wishes with all his heart that Doyoung only feels anger without the sadness.
"Alright."
"I mean," Taeyong continues, "who would like someone like you anyway? You're moody and quiet and all you do is work. You're boring since you never like doing anything. You-"
"I get it, Taeyong." There's an edge to Doyoung's voice, symbolizing both anger and bitterness.
How can Taeyong ever tell him that he's never hated any of that about Doyoung? Doyoung's kind smiles and gentle quiet: how could he ever say that it's all the things he's only ever loved about him?
Taeyong glances at Doyoung's face. It is hard and stone-cold. Doyoung stares at the river, refusing to even look at Taeyong's direction.
"If you get it, there's nothing else to say," Taeyong manages to say
"Fine." Doyoung stands up to leave. "Goodbye then." He walks away.
Taeyong allows himself to look at Doyoung's retreating back. As Doyoung gets further and further away, Taeyong finally lets out an exhale. Then, he allows himself to cry.
Taeyong's face becomes wet with tears as he sobs into his hands, wishing that this is just a bad dream. His chest stings as if there's a sweltering rod stuck inside him, something so hot that it feels blisteringly cold. He wants to wake up and find Doyoung to tell him that he'll stay with him forever. He wants to tell Doyoung that he loves him like crazy and that he'd do anything for him.
But Taeyong knows it is not a dream, and the world moves on. As the night continues, turning the last day of June to the first of July, Taeyong thinks that this is quite a pathetic way to celebrate his twenty-seventh birthday.
Taeyong knows he must move on too. So he stands up, still crying, and walks home.
YOU ARE READING
Sun & Moon
Fanfiction"When my moon rises, your sun rises as well under the same sky. In this different time, our hearts are connected under the same sky."
