Sun & Moon

SIXTY SEVEN

Taeyong walks home feeling quite miserable. He does not stop crying, even when he starts to feel tired of it. His nose is insanely runny, and it disgusts him how wet his sleeve is from rubbing off snot so many times.

By the time he arrives home, Taeyong is absolutely exhausted. He feels drained of energy, and it feels as if there are heavyweights on his eyelashes. He can barely move his aching legs, so he flops himself onto the couch, burying his head into the pillows. His sobs are only slightly muffled, but they do not necessarily get any quieter. It hurts his chest, crying this much. But no matter how much he wants to stop, he cannot.

The sobs attract Sungyeol's attention. Sungyeol slowly peers out of his room, a quizzical expression displayed on his face. He glances at Taeyong lying face down on the couch, and his eyebrows shoot up in worry. "Taeyong, are you okay?" When Sungyeol does not get a response, he hesitantly walks over and sits down next to his friend.

Sungyeol pats Taeyong's back, feeling very surprised to see someone so bright unusually gloomy. Taeyong sniffles and manages to groan out, "I'm fine, Yeol."

"I don't think so," Sungyeol slowly says. He scratches the back of his neck, trying to figure out the currently unique situation. "For real, why are you acting like this? I thought you were going to celebrate your birthday with Doyoung?"

Taeyong rolls over, now facing the ceiling. His nose is bright red and still wet as well. His eyes are swollen and dark. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it will limit the number of sobs making way out of his mouth. "We broke up."

"What? Why?" Sungyeol urgently asks. A flash of anger races across his typically innocent face. "Don't tell me he-"

"No, Yeol," Taeyong interrupts tiredly. "I did it. And I didn't want to."

Sungyeol runs a hand through his hair, feeling very confused. "Yeah, that makes total sense." He bites his lips anxiously, only wanting to see Taeyong feel better.

Taeyong deliberates for a moment. He wonders if he should tell Sungyeol. Just like when it comes to Doyoung, Taeyong does not want Sungyeol to miss him. But he's known Sungyeol much too long to abandon him. If Taeyong tries to run away, he will look behind him and see his younger brother in his middle school uniform, chasing him and demanding why this is happening. And maybe it's better to prepare Sungyeol now. He has bigger things ahead of him, and Taeyong would hate to hinder him then.

Taeyong thinks hard on the matter, while Sungyeol impatiently stares. It hurts his heart, thinking about Sungyeol. He holds his breath a little bit, trying to hold himself back from crying any harder.

"Yeol, I'm going to die."

Sungyeol blinks in response. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Sungyeol scratches the back of his neck again. He tilts his head, trying to understand. "Why?"

"I have brain cancer."

"Did they tell you that?"

This time, Taeyong blinks. "Uh, kind of."

"Oh." Sungyeol's eyes widen as he thinks. "You're not even 30. I told you you shouldn't watch the microwave so closely when you make ramyeon. I bet it's all those radioactive nuclear waves."

"It's inherited. From my mom."

"I thought your mom had pancreatic cancer?"

The entire conversation has confused both Sungyeol and Taeyong. The latter stops crying, his brain turning its gears trying to remember exactly what the doctor had told him. He realizes he had not been fully listening. "Well, you know," Taeyong begins to drawl out, "it moved around. Relocated, y'know?" The statement seems ridiculous even after he says it, but Taeyong thinks that this explanation would make more sense to Sungyeol than whatever the truth is.

They sit together in silence for a bit, processing the information. When Sungyeol finally digests it, he turns to face Taeyong. A small, silent trail of tears begin to pour out of his eyes. "Are you really going to die?" His lips quiver, and Taeyong thinks it is much too similar to when Sungyeol's mother had beat him with a wooden spoon for failing a 10th-grade math test. "Really?"

"You can't tell anyone," Taeyong mumbles out, playing with his fingers. "Absolutely not even a single person."

"You're too calm about this," Sungyeol whines out.

"I tried really hard to be." Taeyong manages to let out a slow exhale. Seeing Sungyeol cry makes his own tears dry. He leans closer to Sungyeol and puts an arm around him, comfortably patting his arm. "It's okay, Yeol. It's not like I'll be gone tomorrow."

"Taeyong," Sungyeol quietly murmurs. He does not finish his statement and instead turns his head into Taeyong's arms, silently crying in his embrace.

"You're such a kid," Taeyong exhales. He pets Sungyoel's head as if he is a child post-tantrum. He cannot hold back the overwhelming wave of sadness that engulfs him. He feels cold all over, his neck frozen as if snowflakes cling to it.

He holds Sungyeol a little closer as if it will give him the warmth he desires.