Sun & Moon

SIXTY EIGHT

Doyoung does not cry, even once. Days go by, and he only feels a bitter numbness deep in his chest. His mind feels empty, yet there's that small, lurking bulb of hurt lingering throughout. He focuses on work, distracting himself from anything outside of it. He doesn't feel like himself; he feels like someone else, inhabiting the body of Kim Doyoung, watching him do the actions but not quite feeling like he's doing it himself. The betrayal has ripped him devoid of reality, so he just gets by, ignoring it.

This immensely worries Jiyeon. She had asked him, back then, when it happened. But Doyoung had snapped at her once, to leave him alone, and then pushed her into a pool of silence from then on. At first, she had continuously pressed him, wanting to know what was wrong. But Jiyeon has reached a point where she is scared of losing her only family. She knows it is wrong, but she decides she will not fight with Doyoung. So she avoids the topic, melting into Doyoung's false reality.

It is like that for a while. Jiyeon quietly watches Doyoung, in his silent suffering. She keeps an eye but does not reach out, even when she so desperately wants to. She knows that he needs something to do as much as she does. One day, she finds the opportunity.

"Doyoung," she gently says, knocking on his bedroom door and peering in. "I'm going to start setting up. For my cafe." Doyoung blankly stares at her, not saying nor showing anything. So Jiyeon continues. "I want your input. Would you come to look at furniture with me?"

And so, the two drive to a furniture depot. It is silent, with only the warm whispers of the sunlight keeping them company.

They walk together, stopping by anything that catches Jiyeon's eye. However, Jiyeon finds it difficult to focus. Her eyes do not stray from her silent friend. But even someone like Jiyeon has her limits. At a certain point, she pulls Doyoung down to a table display. They sit together, and she looks at him intensely.

No words come out of Jiyeon's mouth, but Doyoung is already annoyed. Thinking about the situation is like taking a key and unlocking his heart. The hurt and anger threaten to leak out, like a waterfall bursting through a small crevice. Doyoung had his moment of bliss, him and Taeyong being two pairs of soft footprints in the sand. But the waves have washed them away, and Doyoung is not stupid enough to allow himself to feel any dread over it.

"Jiyeon, I'm tired of this," he darkly mumbles out.

"And you think I'm not?" she snaps. She shakes her head, mentally cursing herself for not holding her temper. "You can wallow in your misery all you like, but it's unfair that I'm being dragged into it. I agreed to not ask you about it, yet you make it hard to commit."

"Then move out already. Leave me alone." Doyoung does not miss a beat.

Jiyeon's lip quivers a bit, but she holds her chin up. "You're so immature. This isn't okay."

"You're not anyone to tell me what is and isn't okay," Doyoung says, his voice sharp and cold. "I'm minding my own business. You mind yours."

"You are such an asshole." Jiyeon bites her lip, only wanting to scream. "I just want to help you."

The last sentence pulls Doyoung a bit closer to reality. He lets out a defeated sigh, feeling slightly sorry for his attitude. The truth leaks out, drop by drop. "Jiyeon, Taeyong broke up with me." Jiyeon opens her mouth in shock, but Doyoung speaks first. "And I don't want to talk about it."

Jiyeon's eyebrows furrow together as she sinks deep in thought. She finally lets out an exhausted exhale, deciding to listen to Doyoung's plea. "Fine. That has nothing to do with me," she carefully says. "Can you just stop ignoring me? I won't bother you about it, but you could at least try to talk with me a bit more often." Jiyeon fidgets with her fingers, suddenly feeling quite lonely. "You're my only friend."

Guilt punches Doyoung in the gut, immediately making him feel regretful for his actions. The buzz of anxiety does not leave Doyoung's mind, but he tries to put it aside. His heart thumps against his chest, loud and clear, and he feels as if he is floating in cold water. "Sorry," Doyoung mumbles out.

"You don't need to be. You're not doing anything wrong, I only want to be able to talk to you more." Jiyeon sighs, feeling quite uncomfortable. She would have never imagined Taeyong becoming such a huge problem. Had she not seen Doyoung's attitude for the last couple of days, she might have marched right into Taeyong's home, demanding to know why he would do this. But she knows where her priorities lie and that is making Doyoung just feel better.

Doyoung does not feel better. He feels distracted, at least. Maybe putting in some effort towards Jiyeon will keep his mind off the numbing, excruciatingly empty pain. So he stands up with an exhale and looks around. "I don't think a furniture depot like this will help you find what you're looking for. Let's go to a second-hand store or something for antiques."

Jiyeon looks up at Doyoung. He has a look of empty determination on his face. She doesn't buy it, but it is better than before. She stands up as well. "Alright."

The two leave, this time in a different kind of silence.

. . .

When Heiran calls, Doyoung has just carried in the last table into Jiyeon's cafe. His arms are sore from having moved around virtually everything. He views Jiyeon a bit more pessimistically today; she is more like a dictator than a friend.

"Doyoung, your phone," Jiyeon mumbles, adjusting the table position by just centimeters until she finds it satisfactory. She walks to the entrance door and stares at the setting, now thinking about what decorations she will need.

Doyoung tiredly grabs his phone and sits down at a table, feeling relieved for his small break. However, Heiran's enthusiastic greeting only makes him more tired.

"Oh, Doyoung, can you believe it? Next month. I'm getting married next month!" Her words are fast and excited. She does not pause between phrases, and Doyoung can imagine her speaking. Her arms would be fluttering around like dragonfly wings, and her mouth would be turned into an ever-permanent smile.

"I still find it quite hard to believe," he says, closing his eyes. He rubs his forehead, only wanting to take a nap. But Heiran's bright voice forces him awake. It is much too similar to someone else he knows, and the realization makes his head ring.

"I would love it if you would come cake testing with me," Heiran obliviously continues. "Whenever you're not busy, of course."

Doyoung nearly declines. But he remembers that Heiran will be leaving soon. So he swallows the thoughts of fear and hesitantly agrees.

"I'll send you all the information. Thanks, Yucky."

As soon as he hangs up, Jiyeon rushes over, her face displaying a concentrated frown. "There's so much work to do."

Doyoung agrees. Yet, he does not feel any better.