There's always hope
I shouldn't be here, Jeongguk tells himself for what seems like the millionth time. He'd stopped by the florist as usual-- one bouquet of white gardenias.
He had contemplated buying another, but it seemed like too much.
"Wish me luck, noona." Jeongguk puts the flowers down on Sojin's plaque, before straightening again. He turns towards the large white marble tomb (he can't not notice it anymore) and approaches it slowly.
He stops in front of the entrance and clears his throat, suddenly nervous, but he steps inside once he convinces himself to stop being a chicken, and walks up to the altar where Kim Namjoon's portrait had been hung up.
The platinum haired man smiles down at Jeongguk, like some benevolent being, all - forgiving, all-understanding. Jeongguk shivers with guilt.
"H-hello Kim Namjoon ssi," Jeongguk starts. He clears his throat. It feels awkward talking to someone he's never really met before. Jeongguk firmly believes that the dead can always hear when people are talking to them at their graves. Which is why he comes once a week to talk to Sojin, update her on life as it continues on, because Jeongguk feels like she'd want to know.
But talking to Namjoon is like talking to a stranger. Jeongguk doesn't know him personally, although their paths intersected at one point in the past. He knows the man is not to blame for Taehyung's transgressions, but Jeongguk had taken out his frustrations here.
"I'm Jeon Jeongguk," They'd never been formally introduced. "I was here about... two months ago." He cringes at the memory. He'd allowed Taehyung to get under his skin and Jeongguk couldn't afford to lose his temper like that again.
"And I wanted to come by and apologize to you." Jeongguk stuffs his hands in his coat pocket and looks up at Namjoon's picture. The older man's smile is disarmingly kind, with a dimple on his left cheek and eyes that are all too trusting. Jeongguk can see the family resemblance.
"Although I stand by what I said, it was neither the time nor the place. I shouldn't have done it here. I'm sorry." Jeongguk bows his head, chewing on his lip, and he wonders whether there's anything else to say.
Jeongguk had known it was wrong of him from the start, but he couldn't help himself. And Taehyung's words keep ringing in his ears.
"I would hate for the kids to turn out like you."
Angry, bitter, and completely alone-- Jeongguk agrees. He would hate for anyone else to go through what he had.Jeongguk is an asshole. But he doesn't think it's Taehyung's place to say so.
"I hope, wherever you are, you're resting in peace," Jeongguk finishes, giving Namjoon's portrait. a final glance before turning to leave. He stops cold when he sees Taehyung at the doorway, gaping at him.
He must be shocked that I can feel remorse,. Jeongguk thinks bitterly, not acknowledging the embarrassment now swirling in his gut.
"J-Jeongguk ssi--" But Jeongguk just walks briskly past him and out of the tomb, not wanting hear anything Taehyung has to say.
The older man stumbles back as Jeongguk shoves past, and he watches, bewildered, as Jeongguk gets into his black Audi and speeds off, leaving Taehyung with his feet glued to his spot because. did Jeongguk just apologize?
"Hyung, did you and I see the same thing?" Taehyung asks, looking up at Namjoon's picture.
He can feel the cool metal of the necklace against his chest, underneath his suit.
He turns the scene over and over in his mind, and the more he thinks about it, the more hopeful he becomes.
Taehyung had been under the impression that Jeongguk was cold and unfeeling. But having seen him like this renews Taehyung's hope that Jeongguk is still the same person he used to know, kind and loving, behind the walls he puts up so. heavily.
Jeongguk had apologized. And to the right person in the situation. Taehyung knows he himself won't be forgiven so easily.
"What do you think, hyung?" Taehyung asks. "Is there hope for me?"
There's always hope, Taehyung reminds himself. Jeongguk had taught him that, a long time ago.
When everything seems dark, unclear, there is always hope, a light at the end of the tunnel.
Taehyung takes a deep breath, setting his shoulders in determination. "Okay hyung, wish me luck then."
I'm going to break down Jeongguk's walls.
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