After all those lies
When Taehyung gets home, he's exhausted and irritated. Time had dragged by so slowly he thought he might go insane plastering a smile on his face and keeping his voice light and conversational when all he wanted to do was chase after Jeongguk and give him a piece of his mind.
He tosses over the words said inside the maze. He doesn't-- he can't-- regret them, because they're true, but he wonders if anything even registered in Jeongguk's mind. Jeongguk most likely put up his walls again. Ignored everything Taehyung had said. Refused to see the truth.
He's such a coward, Taehyung laments, tugging at his tie because he's suffocating and tosses his blazer haphazardly over the couch. He just wants to take a hot shower and sleep for a few days because maybe then he won't be constantly thinking about Jeon fucking Jeongguk.
But just as he's about to walk out of the living room there's a sharp knock on the door. He frowns. Why would anyone knock when the doorbell is right there? But the knocking is insistent, rapid, and Taehyung's heartbeat quickens.
He looks through the peephole to see Jeongguk standing there and he can't open the door fast enough.
"What the hell--"
Jeongguk steps forward, shoving Taehyung into his home. "I need you to leave me the hell alone," he growls and Taehyung stumbles back in surprise. It takes a moment for him to get over the shock before he finds his words.
"That's fucking rich, Jeongguk," Taehyung scoffs. "You're in my house," He pushes Jeongguk back.
He doesn't know whether to punch Jeongguk or kiss him because half of him wants to scream and the other half is relieved because for the first time Jeongguk's come to him, not the other way around, and Taehyung can read between the lines.
"Don't touch me," Jeongguk spits out swatting at Taehyung's arm. "That's why I'm here. Leave me alone. Don't touch me. Don't talk to me, don't do anything."
Taehyung laughs, sharp and derisive, before stepping closer until they're chest to chest. He can see the red tinting Jeongguk's eyes, the barely restrained fury, and it's just as well because he's got some anger of his own.
"I think you and I both know why you're really here." And before Taehyung can blink, he's being slammed against the wall and he gasps in surprise as Jeongguk pins his wrists above his head, grip bruising.
"Tell me then, Kim Taehyung, why am I here?" Jeongguk is so close. If Taehyung leans forward he'd be able to kiss him.
Taehyung's body is quivering with nerves, but he presses forward. "Admit it. You still have feelings for me."
"Feelings?" Jeongguk growls and it makes Taehyung shake to the core. But he's not afraid. He's done dancing around the truth.
"Yes, feelings. But you're never going to say it," Taehyung's also done with consequences.
"You'll always be a coward."
Jeongguk presses closer, until their noses are brushing. "Say that again." Jeongguk is positively seething, teeth clenched, and his grip on Taehyung's wrists tighten ever so slightly.
"You're a fucking coward," Taehyung repeats, not breaking eye contact. Jeongguk let's go of one of his wrists to wrap his hand around Taehyung's jaw.
"Says the king of cowards himself," Jeongguk sneers, gripping Taehyung's jaw tightly and arching his head back. Taehyung's heart is in his throat but he's not going to back down.
"At least I got over it!" He's practically yelling now, but he can't bring himself to care. "I fucking grew up, Jeongguk! But you obviously didn't because all you do is petty shit. You're so fucking transparent, you know that? You're not fooling anyone, so stop lying to yourself and admit it."
Jeongguk's face drains of color, but it's momentary, because he's back to livid in a split second and his grip tightens more. "You want me to admit it? Admit what? That I have feelings? Feelings for you? Still? Now?" His teeth are clenched, and Taehyung is questioning every word he's said. Did I go too far?
A little kindness can go a long way. He wonders why he didn't keep this in mind before when all
he could think about was lashing out at Jeongguk, but now all they're doing is trading punches and both of them are getting hurt. I don't want to hurt him.
"In the car. I know you f-felt it too, Jeongguk," his voice is more quiet and it shakes because he's feeling too much, it's overwhelming, and he can barely keep his thoughts straight. "Stop lying to yourself. For your own s-sake."
He can feel Jeongguk's heart thudding wildly against his own chest because their bodies are pressed so tightly together it would be impossible not to notice, and belatedly Taehyung wonders how they even got into this position. He normally doesn't fight with people in this proximity, but he's doing it with Jeongguk. It seemed like Taehyung experienced a lot of firsts with him.
"What do you want me to say?" Jeongguk asks derisively. "You're all I think about, Taehyung," he mocks, using Taehyung's exact words. "I feel like I'm going to go crazy, is that it?"
Taehyung bites his lip to keep from tearing up, because yes , that's what he wants.
"You fucking ruined my life!" Jeongguk roars, letting go of Taehyung's neck to slam his fist against the wall next to his head. Taehyung winces, body jolting at the surprise more than actual fear-- he knows, somehow, that Jeongguk would never actually physically hurt him-- but he tries to control himself, keep himself afloat amongst the waves of guilt crashing around him.
He takes a stuttered breath, trying to collect his thoughts. "I know . And you'll never know how sorry I am for that, I--"
"Sorry doesn't fucking cover it, Taehyung," Jeongguk growls and Taehyung's eyes sting. "What makes you think, that after all of that, I'd still have feelings for you? After everything you did to me? After all those lies?"
Jeongguk seems more now like he's pleading for answers. The same way he still couldn't understand why Taehyung would make a bet to seduce him. He had wanted to believe, with every fiber of his being, that he could trust Taehyung. But now, he can't. He'd learned better. Now, he wants to know why.
Why me? What is it about me that makes everyone leave? Why is everyone so intent on hurting me?
He's desperate for answers, he can't make sense of what's going on, and Taehyung doesn't
quite know either.
"It was never a lie, Jeongguk," he murmurs, desperate. "It started out as a game, yes. But after I actually got to know you, a-and you got to know me..." He sighs, chest aching with the happy memories of their puppy love. It's a far cry from where they are now. "I've never felt anything more real in my life."
"Bull shit," Jeongguk hisses, making Taehyung wince.
"I'm telling the t-truth. Everything was so complicated, Jeongguk, you can't understand w-why I had to--"
"No," Taehyung can see the walls starting to go back up, Jeongguk's voice thick with denial and Taehyung is terrified they'll be right back where they started. "You were just using me. You never loved me."
Taehyung knows he has to do something to get Jeongguk to stay. Prove that everything was-- is-- real.
"If you really believe that... then what are you doing here?"
The words are whispered, but they echo between the two men, and Jeongguk's fingers go slack. Taehyung's arm drops from where Jeongguk's pinned it and he brings it up, hesitant, and strokes Jeongguk's face gently. His breath stutters, because Jeongguk's skin is so soft, so warm underneath his fingertips and although he flinches when Taehyung touches him, Jeongguk remains still, face blank.
Spurred on, Taehyung inhales shakily, trying to build up the courage, before going up on his tip toes and pressing his lips softly to Jeongguk's. For a moment he's discouraged, because Jeongguk is stone still, so he tangles his fingers in Jeongguk's hair. That seems to make the younger man snap out of his daze and before Taehyung knows it, he's being slammed back against the wall, with Jeongguk's hand wrapped around his throat.
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Next part - Warning💥 Mature Content 💥
