Let's go home
The light, teasing mood in the car turns heavy when Jeongguk turns into the cemetery parking lot.
Visiting this place carries bad memories for both of them and just entering the space wipes the smiles off their faces.
Ill just go-- Taehyung points to Namjoons white mausoleum structure. Jeongguk nods, already a bit distracted. They part ways and Jeongguk heads over to Sojins grave.
Hey, noona, he murmurs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Its getting colder now, as winter approaches. The wind blows and the autumn leaves sweep past the grave stone.
I have no idea what Im doing, Jeongguk thinks, frowning. He prided himself on his cool, calm exterior, but ever since Taehyung had cracked it, he felt unsure. It isnt a bad feeling, but he does feel more vulnerable than ever before and it sets him on edge. He doesnt want to push Taehyung.
He wants to be careful. He doesnt want to lose whatever they have, what theyre slowly starting to build.
But what if Im not good enough? Every person who Jeongguk has ever cared about in his life has left him in some form. Sojin was dead, Seokjin had left for Europe, and Taehyung he had lost Taehyung. But now he had him back, but it was scarier than ever. It was only time before Taehyung left him again. Theres something about me, Jeongguk thinks , that makes everyone leave.
And the revelation feels like a punch in the gut. He lets out a startled breath, staring down at the engraved granite, reading the line Park Sojin over and over again. Theres a familiar burning under his skin and Jeongguk wonders why he comes to Sojins grave so often if he knows hes just going to suffer every moment hes there.
I-I-- Jeongguk stammers into the air, pulling his hands out of his pockets and clenching them tightly. Shit. Shit shit shit. Jeongguk wonders why he has to be in his head all the time, why he has to doubt every moment in his life, and work himself up like this for no reason --
Hey, Taehyung says softly, stepping up beside him. Jeongguk doesnt make any motion to acknowledge him, still staring down at the plaque. How can someone love me if I cant even love myself?
But then Taehyung reaches for one of his hands, uncurls it, and tangles his own fingers in his. The warmth of it soothes Jeongguk, grounding him, and he lets out a breath, deeper and more calm this time.
Hi, Sojin ssi, Taehyung murmurs. I-I only met you once but... you must be one of the most selfless, hardworking people I know. Thank you for protecting Jeongguk the best you could.
Jeongguk swallows thickly, clutching Taehyungs hand tight. When was the last time someone held his hand?
Were both kinda the same, I guess. We both left Jeongguk, probably when he needed us most. But you wouldnt have, if you had the choice. You would still be here, by his side, I know that. And I guess I guess youre still watching over him, protecting him. How else could he have become the amazing man he is today? Taehyung exhales sharply, his breath curling up in the air in front of him. But Im here now. Ill stay by his side and well take care of each other. I promise. So you dont have to worry anymore.
Jeongguk listens to Taehyungs words half desperate, half disbelieving. How could Taehyung have known what he was thinking?
Lets go home, Taehyung says after a moment of quiet, pressing closer until his chin is resting on Jeongguks shoulder. Time stands still, for one brief second, and Jeongguk wonders if this-- Taehyungs comforting breath on his neck-- is his reality now.
He doesnt know where they stand yet, what they mean to each other quite yet, but he wants Taehyung close.
Jeongguk is so frightened, but everything feels so new when he doesnt have the burden of rage on his shoulders. He wonders whether hes doing and saying the right things, because now that hes not angry, hes just confused.
But Taehyungs hand is solid and warm against his, reminding him that for now, this is enough.
Y-yeah. Lets go home.
