Crazy little thing called love - Hardzello

- Twenty-three . Drink -

"I just told you a million reasons why I am not a good friend."

Allen simply shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his seat, taking another sip from his drink before he slightly shook his head. "No, not at all. You care so much about him, you are going through a rough time yourself but you always care about him first."

I didn't answer him, I didn't know what so say anyway. Allen watched me for a while, before he broke the silence again. He leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, folding his hands. "Look, Joe... You have to start thinking about yourself, when you don't want to fall apart because of this. And I know for sure that Ben wouldn't like that either, you mean really much to him, I know that and you know that as well."

I started to shake my head as strong as I could. "I know where you are going with this but no. No, no, no, no. I can't tell him. Ever. If it's that what you wanted to say. That won't happen. Ever!"

I emphasized the last ‚ever' on purpose. To be honest it was more squeaking than emphasizing. When I looked up, Allen raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, but he didn't say anything, he simply looked at me with an expression like 'that's not going to work'.

"Stop looking at me like that and help me. What am I supposed to do with all of that?", I asked him instead and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Since you refuse to tell him, I guess you should try to figure out how he feels. And I could tell you that you should keep your distance, but I know you and you won't do that, will you?" I instantly shook my head again.

I would never leave Ben alone in his situation. He needs me and I kind of need him as well, although it was terribly confusing to be near him, I would never ever leave him. I had to figure out another way to deal with that.

"I don't wanna get your hopes up too high, but I meant what I said this one time we talked. I really thought that you two would get together one day, not only because the way you looked at him, but also because he always searched for your attention and you two are generally very touchy to each other."

It felt good to hear these things, although I didn't recognize these things. But it was true, I liked the closeness that Ben and I had. "I don't have any hopes, Allen, I don't want to be with Ben, I want to get rid of these feelings. I need him as my best friend, because IF we would get together, that wouldn't work."

We got interrupted by the waitress, who placed two new bottles on the table. I thanked her and drank my bottle in nearly one sip. After that I placed my forehead on the table. "And since I saw how things went down with Gwil and Ben, I don't want that to happen again, especially not with me and Ben, because I would like to stay friends with him as long as I can."

"Alright..." Allen smiled a little while patting my head, causing me to look up again. "But you can't get rid of feelings like that."

I sighed and leaned back, facing the ceiling. I felt quite tipsy after the drinks I had, I probably shouldn't have drank them so fast, but I felt like it. Normally I wouldn't drink that much but today was one of these days, where I really wanted to drink

"Joe, it's gonna be hard, but you can get through that. You need time and it's gonna be even harder if you refuse to give yourself time to get over it. But if you really want that, then I'll help you wherever I can, even though I don't think that you should, because you deserve to be happy and Ben makes you happy, even if you don't recognize it yet."

I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit that.

"So, what's the plan? How can I help?"

That was quite a good question. "I don't know... Just... stay by my side when we are at set, because when it's going to be too much, I'll talk to you then, you'll distract me." Allen let out a little laugh and shook his head slowly.

"If that is going to help you, I can do that. But I'm not a big fan of your plan, just to be clear. I'm not quite sure this is going to work either, but I'll try it with you. Just that I can say afterwards that I told you so."

The irish smiled and crossed his arms, I couldn't hide my smile as well, even though I'm not in the best mood. 

That was going to be fun.

Not.

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