Crazy little thing called love - Hardzello

- Thirty-seven . Panic -

Joe's PoV

About twenty minutes after Gwil left my room, I heard once again a knock on my door. That was weird. As I got up to open the door, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I stopped to look at the message.

Use this opportunity, Joe!

Now I was even more confused. Still looking on my phone I went to the door and opened it. When I looked up, Ben stood there. Now I knew what Gwil wanted to say with that message.

"Hey!", I blurted out since nobody has said anything for seconds which felt like an eternity, I just stared at him. "How's your arm doing?" Ben carefully touched my shoulder, which sent goosebumps over my body. That's why I backed off a few steps and got out of the way to invite the blonde inside.

"It feels way better, I'm excited to work again tomorrow." - "You definitely are missed, it's so quiet without your stupid jokes around all the time."

Ben smiled at me and my heart started to beat faster. Should I really tell him? Would that be a good idea? I mean, I could destroy our whole friendship with that. But until now I told him everything and we always figured something out to deal with it - so why should it be any different this time?

The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. "Ben, I-"

"Can we go talk outside? I would like to have a smoke, I was busy the whole day.", he interrupted and I couldn't do anything but nodding. We went out on the small balcony, which I barely used when I was alone. Only when Ben came over, we went out here from time to time, when he wanted to smoke, so we hadn't have to go downstairs.

I sat down on one of the uncomfortable metal chairs while Ben lit up a cigarette. "I'm sorry I cut you off before, what did you want to say?"

"Nothing.", I shrugged it off and avoided to look into his eyes, because he knew when I was lying. I shivered and rubbed my hand over my arm. It was a cloudy day, it even rained a little bit, it wasn't very cozy sitting outside.

My eyes were fixated on my shoes and I only heard Ben moving. A few seconds later I felt his hands on my shoulders, he had taken off his jacket and put it around me. He squatted in front of me, so he could look into my eyes again and pulled the coat closer around me. He left his hands there, the cigarette hanging loose between his lips.

The warmth and the smell of his jacket surrounded me and it felt great. Besides, he looked really hot right now.

Without finishing his cigarette, he put it out in the ashtray on the small table and looked back at me. I looked at him and must have looked quite confused because he smiled and shook his head, but he got serious again before he spoke up.

"Joe, I see that something is bothering you, I see you fighting with yourself if you should tell me or not. But let me tell you something first, please do, please say what's wrong because we'll always find a way to figure this all out. We always did and I'm sure we always will"

Ben grabbed my hand, I felt a lump in my throat.

I couldn't possibly go through with this, could I?

What if he runs out the second I tell him? What if he finds it disgusting? What if he will end our friendship forever? What if I lose my best friend?

The more I thought about it, the more I panicked. My breathing became quicker and I started to shiver again, not from the cold this time. I basically had a panic attack. I haven't had one of them since I was a kid and now they're back.

"Hey, Joe, calm down." Ben looked at me with concern and pulled me out of the chair before he led me back into my hotel room. But as soon as we were inside, my legs felt like jello and I found myself on the ground. The blonde was by my side immediately.

"Come on, Joey, let's sit on the couch."

I just shook my head and Ben sighed, sitting down next to me, resting his back against the door of the balcony, pulling me next to him and into a hug. My breathing was still heavy and quick, I felt a pressure inside of me, I felt like I was about to explode. Also I've lost control over my body, it's shaking as hell.

Ben gently rubbed his hand over my arm, pushing my head onto his shoulder. "Close your eyes, listen to my voice, try to break out of your bad thoughts. Concentrate on me, on my hands, come on."

I tried to do as he said. I closed my eyes and felt his body next to mine. His one hand was still on my shoulder, his arm around my back, his other hand held mine, his thumb drew circles on my palm.

"Listen, Joe, I don't want you to feel that way, especially not when I'm the reason. You don't have to tell me, whatever it is. But I want you to know, that I'll be there for you. Ever. There is nothing you could tell me, that would make me leave. I'll help you through it, we can work everything out, I know that. You'll never get rid of me, honey, I'll stay right here with you, be prepared for that."

His voice was calm and deep, simply listening to him was relaxing and finally my breathing was nearly normal again. "There you go." Ben smiled and squeezed my hand.

Now or never.

"I'm having a crush on you..."

____________________________________________
Hey guys, I'm very sorry that it took me so long, but here it is, one step closer to the moment we're all waiting for

Cliffhanger, I know, it's mean, but it's fun ♥️

Have a great day
~ Kat