Crazy little thing called love - Hardzello

- Thirty-five . Permission -

Joes PoV

I was afraid. Well no, afraid wasn't the right word. I was panicking!

Gwil didn't say a word, he just stared at me. He sat down on the sofa again, but he didn't take his eyes off me and I started to feel very uncomfortable. Well, to be honest I was uncomfortable during the whole conversation we had.

What the hell did I do? I just admitted that I had a crush on Ben. TO GWIL.

I must have had a death wish.

"Okay, Gwil, please say something, you can't do that to me.", my voice was a high-pitched squeaking. I sat down next to him and gulped. He didn't reply, so I continued talking. "Look, I'm so sorry, I really am, I never meant that, also I never meant for you to find out, because I'm not going to do something about it anyway so I didn't want to put that burden on you. Nothing will ever gonna happen, because I won't let it - I am desperately trying to get rid of these feelings."

I didn't dare to look him in the eyes before, because I was afraid he would look at me in anger or disgust. But I did now and there was no such thing, he looked a little bit sad, but mostly there was concern and understanding.

"Don't do that, Joe." Gwil now raised his voice for the first time in like forever. "Don't do what?" - "Get rid of this feelings, it doesn't work that way. You know that. You would end up hurt and unhappy."

Now I was confused. "What are you trying to say?" Gwil shrugged and shook his head a little, ran his hands through his hair before he looked at me again, his eyes looked like he was about to tear up. Oh good lord, what have I done. Why couldn't I just shut my goddamn mouth and keep my fucking problems to myself?

"I don't know, what I'm trying to say. I just... I really want you to be happy, and I want Ben to be happy. So if you really want to go for it, then please do it. You would both deserve that, you two more than anyone else."

I must've heard wrong. Did he really just kind of give me permission to tell Ben I had a crush on him?

"Gwil, I won't do anything. Ben's my best friend, I can't... I can't do it. I need him as a friend, I can't risk that. And anyway... He doesn't feel that way, so why should I even try." He smiled a little and put his hand on my knee.

"You are even more stupid, than I thought.", he said with a little sad smile on his face.

Gwil got up and rubbed his eyes. "I'll go now. Don't worry about me, Joe. Thank you, that you told me and didn't run away from it. But please, I only have one wish and you have to do that for me - please don't try to hide and forget your feelings. Ben is a great person and I'm sure you two will stay friends forever, even though you decide to tell him one day. Just do it, you don't have to torture yourself like that."

I got up as well and pulled him into a hug. The taller one wrapped his arms around me and pressed me against his chest. "I'm so sorry..." My voice was only a whisper. "Don't be.", he answered and stepped back.

"There's really no reason to be sorry, you are not responsible for your feelings. And I really meant, what I said. You deserve to be happy, and so does Ben. I'll always be there for the both of you, if you need to talk or anything."

I let out a little laugh, which now made Gwils look confused. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry... I just thought you would beat me up right there when I told you, I kind of forgot that you are the most caring person that I know. Thank you so much for not being mad and offering to talk to you about my crush on your ex-boyfriend - what kind of a situation is that?"

Gwilym started to smile. "Uhm, the beating up thing... there's still time, better watch out."

He headed to the door and opened it, but he turned around once again. "I got one last question..." - "Go ahead." I followed him to the door, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at me.

"You're gay?" - "Didn't know that either."

Once more, Gwil smiled and I found myself in a hug again. "I'm pretty proud of you, Joseph." - "You all need to stop calling me that."

We laughed and parted. "I promised Ben I would tell him what we talked about, but obviously I won't so I'll just tell him, that he should come and see you by himself. So that you two could talk."

I may have looked very panicked because Gwil shook his head and continued. "No pressure, you don't have to tell him, I didn't mean it that way, but you have to stop cutting him out of your life. He's worried and he doesn't want to pressure you, that's why he didn't call - so call him and say that you slept all day long."

"Very gentle of you to help me. You are way too nice, you know that?"

He smiled and shrugged. "I know, very annoying habit. So buck up and I'll see you tomorrow at work."
____________________________________________
Gwil is a sweetheart
We're getting closer guys

Hope you have a nice day ♥️
~Kat