Crazy little thing called love - Hardzello

- Thirty-two . Pizza -

"Are you mad?" I squeaked and opened my eyes again. "I can't tell Ben!"

"Tell me what?"

Oh fuck.

I immediately sat straight up. I haven't heard the door! I haven't heard that the fucking door opened and that Ben already came back and heard me yelling into my phone. "Gotta go." My voice was only a whisper now and I hung up.

Ben came closer and put the Pizza carton on the bed next to me. "Tell me what?", he repeated and smiled a little. I must've looked really shocked, because he raised his eyebrows and giggled a little. "Jesus, Joe, you look like I'm a ghost."

I cleared my throat and tried really hard to act normal, because as more as I acted weird, as more suspicious Ben would get.

"Uhm... nothing important, forget it."

Wow, Joe, good job, that was very low-key. Ben didn't look very convinced and I mentally punched myself for my stupidity. What have I done?

Panic started to raise inside me and my hands were getting sweaty. I really wished that I could disappear right on the spot, because the way Ben looked at me right now was kind of a torture. He seemed concerned and puzzled and like he wouldn't believe one word which would come out of my mouth.

Ben came a step closer to me and put a hand on my arm, which made me jump a little and I quickly got up. "I... I think I should go."

"But what am I going to do with the pizza then?" I didn't react on Bens words. I grabbed my phone and my jacket and tried to move towards the door, but Ben scooted into my way and made me stop, putting his hands on my shoulders again, trying to make eye contact, but I couldn't do this right now.

"Joe!"

He put his hands away from my shoulders but used them to fixate my head and forced me to look at him. "Damn it, Joe, what has gotten into you? You don't have to tell me! Whatever you can't tell me, you don't have to, please calm down now. You are shaking."

And now he pulled me into a hug. I wanted to get away at first but his arms around me were very comforting and I kind of melted into his grip, wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his neck.

At least now I calmed down a little, I stopped shaking, but my heartbeat was as fast as before, maybe even faster, but the hug felt way too god.

I moved away again after a while and stepped back. "Thanks. But I really should go." But before I could move, Ben spoke up again. "You can talk to me about anything, you know? Maybe not now, if you don't want to, or can't. But when you are ready, I'm here. I was very selfish in the last few days and I didn't really pay attention to your feelings and I'm sorry for that. I-"

"Stop it right there, Benjamin. You don't have to apologize, you and Gwil broke up, you had every right to be a little bit selfish, which by the way you were not. And besides you took care of me in the last two days." I tried to smile a little and Ben let out a chuckle.

"Whatever it is, that's bothering you, are you going to be alright, Joe?"

And when I looked at him, I knew I couldn't tell him. Maybe never. Because this friendship meant more to me than everything else. And I couldn't handle it, if all of this would break into pieces, because of my stupid feelings.

"Yes." I was surprised how strong my voice was and how certain I was about that.

I put on my jacket and looked at Ben once more, he looked more convinced that before. At least one of us does...

"See you tomorrow.", Ben said and escorted me to the door. "I won't work for two or three days."

When I looked up, Ben looked kind of disappointed, but I didn't give that too much of a thought. "Okay then... Call me if you need help with anything, okay? I'd love to help you."

Were his cheeks getting red or was that just my imagination?

"See you, Ben, thanks for everything." We hugged and I went out of the room, letting out a shaky breath as soon as I heard the door closing behind me.

When I pulled out my phone I saw a few messages from Allen.

What just happened?!

Joe, I really meant what I said

Please think about it

Ben heard that there was something I wouldn't tell him.

And I won't!

We'll leave it at that.

When I came into my room I collapsed on my bed and threw a pillow over my face, letting out a scream of desperation. My stomach growled and I immediately regretted that I didn't ate some of the pizza.

My phone buzzed again.

Pizza is in front of your door. I know you want to be alone right now, but please feel free to contact me when you are ready for company again... I really want to be there for you.

When I opened the door, there was the pizza carton with half of the pizza in it. I didn't deserve a best friend like Ben. And what was I doing here? I was going to ruin everything with my stupid feelings.

Why does this have to be so complicated?
_____________________________________________
I know, I'm mean, but it's fun - and I promise you, the time will come when Ben and Joe finally stop being stupid and start communicating

Thanks for 300 votes and every read and comment you give ♥️ I'm very happy to see that you like my book

Have a great day
~Kat