Broken (A Cimorelli Fanfiction)

Christina

Christina's pov

"I adjusted myself so that I would fall and hit... my head, then let go."

I cover my mouth then move my hands to my heart. Finally I remove my hands from over me chest and hug Alexandria. 

"Are you-" 

"I wasn't thinking, okay! It's fine!" There is a pause and we all look at each other. Finally Alexandria stands up. "I'm going to my room." she walks to the door and turns as I open my mouth. 

"But-" 

"Come get me when it's time for dinner," she says tiredly, no longer angry. Kathrine nods and follows her out the door. I hear the door shut and sit back. We won't be posting a video this week, seeing as how it is already Thursday, but we can start on next weeks video. Plus, we've got to rehearse. Lauren already taught her the choreography, thank God, but we need to go over it and practice and teach Alexandria her part and do more live things with her and all go out and do interviews and... I curl up into a little ball on my bed and lay there, overwhelmed. 

"Are you okay, Christina?" I jerk up at the mention of my name and see Lisa in the doorway. I nod and she shakes her head and walks in, shutting the door behind her. She comes up and sits beside me, looking at me. I look down. 

"Christina, I know that look. What is it?" 

"It's just... we missed this weeks video, we need to get Alexandria comfortable and ready for tour because we are going to be on it for a long time, I have to keep everyone okay, I..." I start getting choked up and a few tears roll down my cheeks. I look down at my lap and put my face in my hands. "I'm such a failure. I'm so sorry for being such a bad big sister, Lisa. You-" 

"Stop! You are an amazing person. I'm not gonna do that thing where I list your generic attributes like 'funny' or 'pretty' cause it does no help, but you are so wonderful. You are an amazing listener, a great teacher, a great leader, and the best big sister I could ever ask for. Don't ever change, though, cause that would be really confusing. Personalities, I mean. Not clothes. Knock yourself out in that area." We both laugh and I wipe my eyes and hug her. 

"Thank you, I needed that. I love taking care of people and being their role model, but it wears on you once i a while. And I know Alexandria wishes she wasn't like this- who doesn't- so i just want to help her so she knows she isn't alone. Sounds like that's been her mentality for a few years." Lisa smiles and nods. 

"Well, we are all always here. Mostly cause we live here but also for you. We love you and you can talk to any of us. Even Alexandria." 

"Especially me." Alexandria comes bursting through the door then shuts it behind her. "Not that your siblings aren't your first choice but you've done so much for me and-" I get up and hug her, cutting her off. After I let go she steps back. 

"What-" 

"I was coming to apologize to Christina when I heard Lisa saying you could talk to anyone even me so I was like heck yes and decided to make it known not knowing who Lisa was talking to but whatever but you guys have just done so much and help me so much and I love y'all so much and feel so bad about all this so anything I can do please just let me know and I am so-" Lisa cuts her off, grabbing her arms. 

"So help me if you say-" 

"-sorry..." Lisa sighs and lets go. 

"I was saying this before, Alexandria. You can't help how you feel. I'm sure you wish you were happy, right?" She nods. "Yeah, exactly. So all we can do is help each other." 

"Yeah!" Lisa adds, nodding. "Well, I'm gonna leave you two to talk. Don't be too loud," Lisa says, winking at us. 

"LISA!" I yell out the door. I can hear her laugh all the way down the stairs. I look at Alexandria and her face is red and she's laughing. I feel my face turn red but I start laughing too. She comes and sits next to me. 

"I'm sorry. I feel like I've been a really bad adoptive little sister. I've never been a sibling before, so I don't know how it works." 

"I'm really glad we got you, actually. You need someone- or multiple someones- and then you got them. Can I ask you something, and be honest?" She nods. 

"How long have you felt like this?" 

"Since the middle of sixth grade. That is when I started cutting and it went downhill from there. That's all I'm willing to say right now, but I promise you will find out everything. Soon, I hope." I nod but am shocked inside. I can't believe this girl has felt like this, been dealing with this, since she was 11. That is 4 years she's felt hopeless, depressed, whatever you call it. 

"Oh well, I guess," Alexandria says, then someone knocks on the door. 

"Come in!" I call out. Lauren sticks her head in and looks at us. 

"Lisa sent me to tell you because she said that you would 'kill her' if she showed her face in here but dinner is ready. Well, by the time you get ready and down here it will be. so hurry up cause we're hungry." She smiles at Alexandria then leaves. I look at Alexandria. 

"Please, eat! Just for me, you are getting so skinny!" I plead. 

"Fine. Just for you. Don't make it a big thing." I nod and smile at her and she smiles back. I run over and give her a big spontaneous hug and she nearly jumps out the window. 

"You are the second person to give me a hug with no warning do none of you remember what happened, like, three weeks ago?" 

"Oh, sorry. I'm so so proud of you!" 

"That's what Kath said too," Alexandria says, grinning. I throw my arm around her and we walk out and go downstairs. 

A/N: sorry for the short chapter. It's a filler chapter. Also, THANKS SO MUCH FOR 1K READS WOW OH MY GOSH I'M SO HAPPY AND EXCITED YAY YAY!!!!!! <3 <3 I never imagined my free time would get this far!!! Thank you so much for reading!! I love y'all!! -Amy <3