i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

meaningful reflections.

oh boy. just... oh boy. i feel it.

"finally. i am getting more and more intoxicated by the minute, drinking the remainder of the crown royal and hitting bowl after bowl. don't forget the headrush hits. to commemorate the shattering of my heart and soul, i suppose that i should just kill my physical being as well. all in one swoop, easy and clean. i guess. maybe this is the poison talking, but i wish it would work it's magic faster.

cheers to you, who broke my heart.

im not sure exactly what to do. i know that i say that a lot, but truly i have no idea. i sit here thinking about every single thing that i cannot have, ignoring that which i do.

my friend ___. i love him to death. he is absolutely wonderful, one of the best people on earth bar none. he doesn't really want to admit it all the time though. he has done for me what no one else has, and in such a short time. ___, i will never forget you. never. your vibes keep me here.

________. my buddy. thinking about you makes me want to cry for some reason, but i'm not some little bitch so i'll hold it back. we hated each other for a long time. well, i never hated you. in one summer you became my best friend for a lifetime. making music, playing smash, smoking weed, laughing. you made me forget that i was in pain. you're the best, man.

i wish i knew what to do but i don't. i sit here and i suffer. i think about all of it, over and over again. every second of it, from the beginning to the end. well, that which i can remember anyways. my brain is so shot from drug use and seizure overload that i'm not really sure what is real anymore.

is this really real? am i really in this much pain? someone please help me. please help me. "

i was and am in this crippling state. i feel this. unfortunately, my epilepsy has prevailed and my seizures continue on a daily basis.

just small ones, enough to do a sufficient amount of damage to my already decaying mind. it doesn't matter though.

i had my friends.