i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

...but what exactly is going on in here(?)

interestingly enough, sometimes i feel as though i truly do exist. sometimes however, for the majority of the time,

i feel as though i do not exist at all. that all of this around me, those i do manage to keep in close company, all of it isn't real at all. either that, or i am not real at all.

regardless, i have been trying much harder to exist amongst everyone else. it has been very lonesome, especially lately. i wonder how everyone who isn't me is doing.

i wish it didn't feel the way that it unfortunately does, but it seems as though no one even exists outside of me anymore. if i exist anyways. no one is around. i do not hear a thing.

i know that i only write this because of my OCD tendencies, in that i need to keep track of my life. i can no longer rely on my faulty memory, unfortunately so.

it just seems as though no one cares at all. while an unknown figures trespasses into my mind and fucks everything up.

"you lock the door and throw away the key. there's someone in my head but it's not me."

i do not know what to do, for my options do not seem to exist anymore. it is a long road. my mind is being lost to all of the torment that which it has suffered thus far.

but will it ever end? will things even get any better than this? is there anybody out there? surely things must get better, right? is any of this even real?

it's a long road. fly away. i do find myself questioning the actual reality of all of the bullshit that has commenced already. who even knows i guess.

certainly not me...

never me. never before, never now, never ever.

no one sits in this pit but me. for better or for worse, i am alone. forever here, with that which does the most harm: my longing for answers.