i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

tell me where we went wrong.

i am trying to figure it out. i suppose it was all my fault. all along.

nevertheless, i've been listening to 'married life' from the Up score by michael giacchino. it's pretty good. v upsetting. perfect for the occasion.

i find myself thinking about the sequence in which this score plays out. love, found early and contained through life. hardships come along, yes, but two individuals make it through.

because they are together, until the end. even after that. the promised adventure, from the beginning,

may seem as though it was over within that long silence, but it held on until the end.

now i find myself sitting here looking for it. you left me here

without it

no trace

nothing.

you left me here with nothing.

"i have been looking back on this scene many times, listening to that score as it informs the audience of what we are to be feeling as this story plays out.

without any dialogue the sequence tells a complete story, ripping at my heart strings in the process. it does not take much to make me cry these days,

but this one has me rolling. it just hits me. fucking pixar.

i miss her. i'm laying in bed now, just having smoked two bowls. batch bowls of course, tobacco.

this is what i do. this is what i am. this is all i am without her. without something worth living for.

where is my adventure? "

truly, i do not know where she has disappeared to, but she is far out of my reach. in my mind, in my heart, in my supposedly living soul.

she is gone. i didn't ask for all those tears. i don't want to be alone anymore.

please help me. please. i

am history.