i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

swollen with despair, amidst discomforting silence.

i feel so upset. i feel so invisible. i feel so miserable. i do not know why i am alive today. the people i love do not want me.

i am filled with such discontent, leaving me to question my own existence day by day, moment to moment. i do not want to exist. i do not want to be me any longer.

it is a simple request, as my invisibility to the world would then allow for my sudden perishing to be brushed off with subtlety and grace.

2020 is already in a state of disarray, so my disappearance would affect that no more, no less. i do not want to feel this way anymore. i cannot bear to feel this way anymore.

being me is eating away at my soul. waking up every day only to feel, express and perform things the same way as every day prior, is tearing me apart from the inside.

those few remaining, that being only my close family at this point, something i cannot prevent at the moment by the way, are now beginning to notice me falling apart again.

i cannot remain here long enough to let anyone catch onto what i plan on doing. i cannot be stopped this late in the process. i need to go. i must. if i don't, i will continue to suffer and self-destruct.

what good would that do me, or those around me? i need to take myself out of this horrible equation immediately before it is too late. if it isn't already, that is.