i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

visibility is no longer an option.

as i sit in the populated mall of my hometown, i look around at so many people. all of these people, with not a clue as to what i am
thinking. what i am planning.

truly it is an interesting feeling, but it also has me feeling very alone with my thoughts, as i am. this is something that does not change, unfortunately, so i move with time. time seems to be moving at an alarming pace lately.

it seems as though the world wants me gone just as much as i want to be gone. including almost all of the people in this world, so many people i have lost. so much affection wasted and destroyed. trust. contentment.

all gone. i write now only using the words from my mind, as i think about them. this whole process of recording my end is so sewn into my mind now i am in a state of habit. i can't even help it. i, in a way, have become completely automated.

even so, the world continues to peak interests of mine. nothing interesting to anyone else, just things i find myself thinking about in the middle of the night whilst i cannot sleep. it is an ongoing and consistent process now, this end of my life.

i suppose the worst part of all of this; is that i am forced to be completely and irreversibly invisible. this was against my wishes from the beginning and i never intended on things ending up this way for me. i never intended on being this genuinely

alone.

wholeheartedly. completely. i do not know how
to cope with such a thing. for many months i have been attempting to do so, only failing all the same. i cannot be content with this life of mine, nor can i move on and find myself within a moment under the sun once more.

i am doomed to die, destined to disappear.

i have never been anything, for a single
moment of my life. in fact i am not completely sure i even exist. if i do, what does my existence entail to everyone else? all those that do not have the force of my pain on their shoulders.

i do wonder what it must seem like to a passerby, in my situation. but then i realize, there are no passerby's in my situation. i am
utterly and completely alone at this point in time. there is nothing to stop me. no one to stop me.

i am ultimately committed to this dastardly
end of mine, for i deserve that and nothing more. i deserve to rot alone wondering what i could have done to be worth it.

this is what my life will reflect, if anything at all.