i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

heroes we aspire to be, never to be.

for as long as i can remember i have idolized Spider-Man. now, i understand that he is a fictional character created in the early 60's for the means of money and entertainment, but i feel as though i am not alone with this understanding.

people always aspire to be more than what they are, don't they? usually burying their deepest insecurities into the fictional characters that they watch, read or hear daily. for me that was Spider-Man, growing up with the original film trilogy as well as the early cartoons and video games.

i had a huge litter of Spider-Man merchandise, from comics to action figures. i always aspired to be Peter Parker/Spider-Man, as he was just the "every guy" in comparison to that of Bruce Wayne/Batman and Iron Man/ Tony Stark, characters who are accompanied with enormous wealth and privilege.

for me, not having a lot of money in the house growing up, i could relate to the problems of teenage Peter Parker, not fitting in at school, not being able to really appear. of course, after becoming the masked hero Spider-Man, he gains more confidence and these problems cease to bother him as much. but they still exist.

Spider-Man is the "every mans" superhero. he struggles with all of the same mundane issues that we do. relationships, financial problems, the whole nine yards.

towards the end of my life now i have been revisiting all media of Spider-Man that i hold dearest to my heart. that being, if you truly wish to know:

- the original Spider-Man trilogy (2002-2007)
- Spider-Man: The Animated Series (1994-1998)
- Spider-Man 2 (gamecube)
- Ultimate Spider-Man (ps2)
-Spectacular Spider-Man (2008-2009)
-Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

i also watched the Tom Holland films, that being Homecoming (2017) and Far from Home (2019). i love the former but the latter is complicated to me.

point being, now at the end of my life, reliving these things truly made me emotional. did it sway my decision to end my life? no. did it remind me of things i could not remember before? yes.

a harmless expedition through the only favoured times of my life i can remember now, before my life ceases to exist completely.