i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

fatigue is taking over.

as i had previously thought, nothing has changed. i remain the same, here in this space. i am not sure what i did. how i ended up in this space.

but i do not like it here and i am so afraid. i do not understand how i continue to move day by day. i feel myself approaching that end. the end times.

i am so tired. still so tired. i feel myself losing control. i find myself crying because i cannot hold it back at times. just so randomly.

why do i have to feel this way? why do i have to be this way? continuously. i do not understand. i just want to live knowing that my life is worth living for.

i cannot come to that realization when these things continue to haunt my mind and soul. a spider web and i am caught in the middle, nowhere to run. what can i do and where the fuck can i go?

suicide should be my option. it HAS been my option. this entire time. but i cannot do that.

i cannot cause my family trouble. not my mother. i do not want to do her harm, or others. i just do not know how i can continue to live with this burden. these burdens.

of being me.

of not being enough.

of not knowing enough.

who am i and where do i belong? i want to know these things before i am gone.

i fear that i will be gone sooner than later, for i can only hold on for so long. i apologize, to anyone and everyone who knows me. to anyone who reads this and has even a general idea of who may be writing these words.

i am so sorry. i have tried. continuously. endlessly it seems. for nothing. for nothing at all. and i cannot do it any longer. i am so tired. i can't feel this way any longer.

i've lost myself already. i think that the world will lose me too, soon enough.

soon enough.