i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

truly alone. independently suffering.

i suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer. that is all that i have done. i have not a thing to offer to anyone. not you, not them,

not anyone at all.

"the unbelievable loneliness is taking over, fucking with me as much as it can before the new year strikes. i am not sure how to deal with it. i feel like crying. i'm probably going to. i don't really know what else to do. i say that a lot i know but trust me, nothing ever changes. least of all how i feel.

this is the end, beautiful friend. this is the end, my only friend the end. it hurts to set you free. but you'll never follow me. the end of laughter and soft lies. the end of nights we tried to die.

this is the end. "

at that point i felt as though i had been completely broken, never truly repairing since. it is interesting however.

the only time i am at peace in my life is when i am asleep. kind of ironic that i'll be taking forty sleeping pills before this is over. i'll be at peace.

forever.