i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

everything lost, nothing gained.

i do truly believe that for a time, i had my life made out for me.

living in the big city, or at least for me, on my own and away from my family: becoming my own person, finally.

within this city i made so many wonderful friends. i believe that if i had not taken these people for granted in favour of focusing on my internal discontent and unhappiness, perhaps they would be here with me now, in the end.

we will never know now. well, i will never know, as there is no "we" nor has there been for longer than i can currently remember now.

i lost several opportunities for a happy existence. so many wonderful people that are now further than ever, only because i could not manage to be normal...be happy...ever.

i have always been the issue. unfortunately so. because of this i have never been able to keep anyone around. because of this everybody i care about inevitably leaves, bringing with them that support i miss oh so dearly.

without it i am even less than i was before. without strength, without energy, without identity. that is how my existence is reflected on a daily basis.

i am within the final days of my life. i have never felt so alone. so beside myself.

i do not even know who "myself" is.

i have lost everything that could bring me forward to a better existence, to a better me.

because of this i am doomed to fade into further irrelevance. even further now than ever.

the invisible man.