i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

welcome to your reality.

i woke up again today. around 10 pm.

i did not want to.

put me back under.

forever.

"so far, i have spent the morning into afternoon willingly intoxicated and reminiscing on the past. perhaps wondering when things took a turn.

of course, deep down, in my soul i know why things happened the way they did. why everything is the way it is.

because all of it makes sense. like i always say,

i

am

nothing.

not a thing at all y'see. never have i been, nor will i ever be, you see.

i understand this to be true, yes. although, i feel a great swell of pity for those who

lack this sense of awareness.

awareness of everything that unfolds around their very eyes, surrounding their perfect existences.

but it is there. this.

me.

i am there. sitting in the shadows. waiting for all of this to be over. waiting until i can no longer be punished.

i wait here, killing time. alone, always.

always alone, of course.

i intend on spending the rest of my life wondering why she could not love me

as i love her.

today i cried to the universe. i begged for something else. anything else.

i begged for her.

but no one answered.

this is our reality. this is my reality. "

yeah. unfortunately so. i've been crying hysterically for a few hours now and i just love that. life is so

wonderful

and i can't wait
for it

to keep going

until it

doesn't.