i have endured. [the story of nobody at all]

oh darn, i suppose we have fallen again.

well, it appears that the pit in which i find myself is only getting deeper and deeper by the day. i wonder how easily i could just slip away entirely, into the nothing.

all of it is nothing anyways. me, this, that, the whole lot of it. unfortunately so.

perhaps things could change...(?)

but why would that happen? i definitely do not believe that i deserve that. things will not change. they will just get...

worse lol. so much worse. i cannot handle much more of it. words from the past are sabotaging my opportunities to see the light for once.

i cannot get out of your shadow. your words trap me here but you are nowhere to be found. where are you?

where have you gone and why did you leave? why do i deserve to feel this way?

what did i do?...

what exactly haunts me?

"to keep it simple, i love you so much. there's no doubt in my mind that our paths crossing is no coincidence. i'm so thankful that what i had gotten into before didn't work out. you are the exact person i was longing for when i was hopelessly trying to find happiness in such an overbearing heartbreak. but i knew from the second you sent me that first message in august, in a very otherworldly way, that it would only be the first of an endless amount."

it is all a load of bullshit, the whole piece. a bunch of fucking bullshit that didn't mean anything then, especially not meaning a goddamn thing now.

nothing matters. nothing at all. i am just here dreaming for something better. some way out at least.

can i get out?