After Eternity

Chapter 12

I.

Mathew hadn't seen him so distressed in a long time. James had arrived that morning showing signs of distress and of concern. It had been him asking for a meeting which let Mathew know something was wrong, it was always like that ever since he started his treatment with him. Nevertheless, he had never seen him distressed on that level. It worried him the fact that he arrived in his office and just paced around and was unable to speak. James had been a very difficult patient. In the beginning he didn't speak, he had to be the one making questions and making him speak in a way. With time he gained James's trust and he'd sit, and he'd talk about anything. James had come such a long way and was far from being that troubled man he had met many years ago.

"So?" Mathew asked him to instigate him to talk. He played with his pen, rolling it between his fingers and looked up. James rubbed his face with his hands and puffed and then began to walk in circles again. No words came out of his mind though Mathew knew he was thinking about something for he was shaking his head. "James..." He called. James stopped walking and looked at him, sitting on the couch right after. "Why have you called me?"

"I..." He began but he shut up, running his hands over his black jeans.

"You seem concerned and like you had poor sleep." Mathew told him. "If you called me it's because you want to talk about something that is consuming you. I am here..." He offered. James looked at him.

"I know I am not supposed to be this upset..." James said. "I know where this might lead me but believe me I am not thinking about that."

"By that you mean the drugs?" Mathew said. James nodded.

"I don't like that term drugs..." He protested. Mathew new well he didn't like it and still he nodded.

"But it's drugs James."

"But it makes it sound like I am a junkie!" He said. His tone raised and Mathew threw a hand in the air to make him stop.

"You are nervous..."

"I am but it has nothing to do with that. I'm off that for almost twenty years and you know it."

"And a junkie is not the correct term." Mathew interrupted him. "We have been through this conversation over and over again. A person addicted to heroin is not more addicted than you are. The substance is different, but you are both addicted. I have explained this many times."

"I had an accident!" James exclaimed.

"I know all that, but you were still taking painkillers even after you were cured and that's what brought you here. Are you taking these again?"

James frowned. "No!"

"Do you want to take it again?"

He shook his head. "No...this is not about the addiction specifically, but I am disturbed, yes."

"About what?" Mathew asked.

"I don't know..."

"You know. I've always told you that you know everything, you just choose to ignore it or to mask it."

"I haven't been sleeping properly...it's been three days in a row..."

"I can see that."

"I have this dream, this awful dream and it's always the same one." James explained.

"It has anything to do with your biological parents." Mathew asked still playing with the pen and James shook his head, eyes closed as if feeling real pain.

"You know I am not a traumatized person because of my parents, my real parents. I mean...yes...it's sad and I was through hard times, especially when I had to go to the institution, but I found love again when I was adopted. It was never about that. I was a little child and of course my parents were truly missed but the ones that raised me and gave me love and own a special place in my heart."