for, liar

Chapter 2

The drive to the auditorium was endless. I listened to mom rant for a good twenty-five minutes about some documentary she came across last night going through the collections of a serial killer. I have never met a woman more infatuated with psychos, and that's coming from the psych major.

"The guy was insane. He had this gigantic wooden box that he would keep next to his bed and inside was like twenty-three Ziploc bags, each with wads of hair from all of his victims. He told the police when he got caught that he was going to make a wig out of it all when he had enough and put them on life size dolls."

Okay, that's enough. Not the vibe I was hoping for today.

"As much as I love hearing about the trashiest people in humanity, I would really love to be able to focus on literally anything else right now besides the psycho hair lunatic."

Mom presses her lips together and sighs under her breath. 

I'm not entirely sure if she's irritated because I couldn't care less about the hair snatcher or that we had finally arrived at the auditorium parking lot where my father can be easily spotted at the corner with his wife, getting out of his new Ford Mustang he bought with his retirement money last month. 

"It's like he does it on purpose. Just throws his money away however he pleases." She spits.

"Mom, it is his money. He can do what he wants with it."

"Or he could have bought you a new car instead of giving you that wretched hand-me-down."

"What's wrong with Jackie?" I ask, quite appalled she would even bring up my Civic like it bruised her prized possession Durango she's madly in love with for the five backseats intended for all the grandchildren I'm not going to give her.

"Breanna, that car is a literal wreck. I'm surprised it has even lasted that long."

"Just because Jackie has a wear and tear character does not mean she needs to be verbally abused by grandma. Also, would it kill you to call me Bree?"

She pulls into the parking spot far enough away from my father and turns the car off. "Yes, it actually would. I named you Breanna, not Bree. I never understand the whole 'shorten your name to sound cooler' bullshit. You don't need a nickname. It's perfect the way it is."

Wow, she is really shooting her shots today. On my graduation too! I'll give it to her, she's got nerve. I know she's under a lot of stress. Besides, I'd rather this be her way of dealing with it than unloading the flask she keeps in her purse for similar emergencies.

"I didn't choose Bree because it sounded cooler, whatever that means. Grandma Beatrice always went by Bea and I did it to honor her. You know that."

Beatrice was my father's mom. She passed away when I was nine and it was the first time I had really experienced loss. I grieved for weeks with my dad and it was the lowest I had ever seen him. Mom was upset because I had refused to leave his side during those few weeks, assuming I was angry with her but I just couldn't force myself to leave while he was in that state.

 Even as a child, I could still recognize how doleful of a time it was. The day after her funeral, I told my dad I wanted to start going by Bree and my family went along great with it. Everyone except my mother who disputes everything that I do.

"She was a lovely woman, but you are my Breanna and I would much rather call you that."

I am not arguing with her anymore today. I remain quiet the entire walk up to the building until the time I have to separate from her to find all of my classmates. Everyone was getting lined up downstairs alphabetically and it seemed a bit frantic here. I look around for a second to find my line when my arm gets tugged to the side. My flight or fight almost kicks in until I face my personal space intruder and laugh.

"You scared the shit out of me."

I push gently on my best friend's shoulder, even less hostile than I intended. Maddy is cackling with pure amusement for scaring me. Her cap was hooked neatly in her hair that was hanging down her shoulder in a long braid. She always puts way more of an effort into appearances than I do.

"I did that because you promised we'd walk together and then you ditch me for your mom." She defends.

"I only did that to try to calm her down. You know how she is around my father."

Maddy throws her arm around my neck and pulls me close. She smells like spearmint. "Oh, right. I forgot she gets crazy."

Crazy is an understatement, but only I can talk about my mother like that. I'll still defend her from anyone when it comes down to it. 

"She isn't crazy, just..."

"Sad? Sadness makes people crazy."

We are on this topic far too often. Maddy craves the drama especially if it has nothing to do with her. I love her to death but sometimes I should really keep things to myself for my own good.

"Alright, it's time to get seated! Follow in the order we assigned you."

I guess I should be thankful to be interrupted by the reason we're here. It's time to get it over with finally.

Maddy rushes over to her assigned line and I struggle for a minute on finding mine. Once I do, they are quick to get us down to the auditorium. The chattering around me is overwhelming enough without the stereotypical graduation song failing to drown them out. I try not to look around me to see the place filled, but I can't help myself. I realize I have no chance of finding my family while the lights are dim around them.

They get us seated and the seemingly interminable ceremony begins. I'm excited because I worked hard to make it here, but the speeches never end fast enough.

 I can see the back of Maddy's head a couple of rows ahead of me. She's leaning over talking to the guy next to her. I wonder what victim she's about to rope in this time. Not that I'm trying to say she's the girl who ends up a boy crazy mess not caring who she puts it out to, she's just definitely not shy around them and refuses to let a guy really see her as she is.

She loves life with all she has and tries extremely hard to make everyone else happy, but it never ends well for her. Her choice of every single being in her life, not counting me of course, has created more damage than I can count. I love her and I will always be there for her, but she's unapologetically damaged. 

She's a big girl now and I have to remind her that I can't make any more grown up decisions for her. She counts on me for advice. As her best friend, it's what I'm meant for. I'm just scared that one day I might actually give her the wrong answer and she wouldn't dare blame anything on herself.

Next thing I knew while being once again wrapped up in my own thoughts, names were being called. More rows empty out and I don't even notice my hands gripping the edge of my chair in anxiousness.

"Madeline Hennith."

Maddy is practically floating across the stage. I don't understand how the hell that girl walks so casually in heels. I'm in my usual dress flats because I refuse to conform to yet another sexist stereotype that all women should be in heels to look nice. Comfort before beauty. I may look restless sometimes, but I sure do feel amazing.

My row is guided to stand up and they lead us over to the stage. I can't tell if I'm shaking from how low the temperature is in this building or because I'm about to get the tiny paper that says I'm an confirmed upperclassman and will soon be a miserable middle class, full time employee.

"Breanna Taylor."

Holy shit, we are already at the T's? 

 I gather myself and quickly walk up the steps, striding over to our Dean who I think I've seen once in my entire four years at the University. He smiles, shakes my hand, and hands me my diploma cover. We wouldn't be getting the actual thing until it comes in the mail.

I quietly thank him and rush off the stage to get back to my seat. I let out an unintentional deep breath, thankful that it's finally over. Now if only this day could end just as fast. 

:Revised