for, liar

Chapter 78

Settling in for the night was ideal. I got Miles interested in watching some reruns of That 70's Show and he seems to be enjoying himself.

I stand up. "I'm going to go get a drink. Want something?"

"Yeah, that'll be great."

I smile and walk out of the room. It's gotten late and the snow is still coming down. It's going to be a winter wonderland by morning.

The hallways are so dark that I have to use my phone flashlight to get downstairs without falling. Everyone else is hidden away in their own rooms. The kitchen is slightly lit by the overhead stove light. I walk over to the fridge and look around for anything decent to drink. All they have in here is sparkling water and Diet Coke. Those are not the kind of drinks I was hoping for.

I shut the fridge door and opened up some of the cabinets. I luckily come across my father's stash of alcohol and grab a bottle of wine I'll replace for him next year. He has a good enough variety to where he won't miss it until then.

I snag a couple of wine glasses and pop the cork out. I lift my head up and face Ben, standing in front of me staring. I jolt and curse under my breath.

"What the hell are you doing?" I snap.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." He replies.

I roll my eyes and start pouring the crimson colored liquid in both of the glasses. "Just getting some drinks. I would ask if you wanted some but I won't have any left."

My petty behavior is inexcusable though at this point I could care less. All he's been this entire day is a nuisance.

"I came to get water. Not everyone has to drink alcohol every single time they're given the opportunity."

"Oh wow, yeah I'm such a horrible person for wanting to drink wine on Thanksgiving. Did you want to grant me my fast pass to Hell or something?"

He chuckles and makes himself a glass of water. "I don't know why you hate me so much. It definitely doesn't look good to your boyfriend to see us bickering all of the time. He might think you have some unresolved feelings. That couldn't possibly be true, right?"

I lift the glass to my lips and empty half the contents within seconds. Drinking won't resolve everything but it sure as hell will help calm my nerves. "Definitely not. Sorry to disappoint you."

He shrugs and leans his back against the counter. A few strands of hair fall into his view so he pushes them out of the way. Ben has never let his hair get this long.

"I'm not disappointed though I would like for you to stop treating me like I'm dog shit."

"I think I would prefer actual dog shit over this conversation." I mumble and pick up the two glasses.

"Grow up, Bree. How long are you going to act this way towards me and pretend like everything we went through was nothing?" He fires.

"Because it was nothing! All of that was abusive and toxic and I'm fucking ecstatic I got out of it."

He crosses his arms. "All because you went ballistic and I didn't know how to help you? Once again, you're making me the bad guy and not taking responsibility for how you acted. This is why we can't be friends because you just refuse to admit that you were wrong!" He yells.

"Shut the fuck up, Ben. People are sleeping." I bark.  "I'm not saying I wasn't wrong, I'm just saying we weren't right together and I personally don't like you as a person so I wouldn't want to be friends with you."

He stares at me with anger in his eyes. I've said all that I needed to.

"Can I leave now? I have someone waiting for me upstairs." 

He scoffs and slaps his hand on the marble countertops. "You always have someone in line waiting for you."

I glare at him from the doorway. "If you're saying you're in line then I hope I have convinced you by now that that's never going to happen again."

I walk back upstairs to the bedroom. Miles is laying on his back with his eyes closed. I chuckle and sit down next to him with our glasses of wine.

"I hope you didn't fall asleep on me." I say softly in case he actually was sleeping.

His eyes flutter open and he sits up against the backboard. "For a second I thought you weren't coming back."

I didn't think I had taken that long. Of course it wasn't intentional, I just got hit by a major inconvenience again.

"I was trying to find liquor but all my dad had was whiskey and wine so wine it is."

I hand him a glass and he smiles warmly with his tired eyes. I should've brought the rest of the bottle because I emptied mine shortly after I sat down. Wine makes me sleepy anyway so maybe it was a better decision to leave it downstairs.

Miles closes his eyes again. I grab the remote from beside him and turn the television off.

"Damn, are you that tired?" I ask.

He chuckles, turning his head to me. "A little." He responds.

I set my empty glass on the nightstand and roll on my side to face him. "Let me wake you up a little then."

He chuckles as our lips meet and I taste the slight remnants of wine left on his tongue. Our breathing intensifies the longer we stay like this. I can feel his heart racing when I press my chest against his to get closer. He drags his hand down the back of my head and through my hair, clutching the ends gently.

It's utter torture to be this close to physical intimacy and not knowing when he'll ever go through with it. I can't fight him on the subject every time we get this close. I'm completely understanding when it comes to it, but I want nothing more than to have that with him. Besides, I wasn't exactly given a clear reason as to why he wouldn't want to in the first place. I never really pushed too hard at the subject to get a good enough answer.

"Miles..." I whisper and break away.

He looks at me with a deep blush coating his cheeks. I think he knows what I'm going to say.

"I'm not going to push it, I promise." I begin. "I just need to know why you don't want this to happen. I know you said you wanted it to be the right time or whatever, but can you at least assure me it isn't something I'm doing, have done, or aren't doing?"

He lets out a deep breath and bites down on the tip of his tongue. "I don't want to screw anything up between us. What if I don't meet your expectations? What if you realize there's better contenders out there and everything we have just isn't worth it to you?"

"Oh my God, why would you say that?"

"Because it's a possibility and I've been there before, okay? The last time I was in love it was catastrophic and I am determined to not let that happen again so I thought that maybe taking things slow was the way to go, but every time I see you I just...I want you. I want you so badly. I want to kiss you and touch you and make you feel the way I should be making you feel. You intimidate the hell out of me and I can't risk not being all that you want."

I put my hand on his cheek, staring seriously into his eyes. I never realized I had made him feel that way. Why wouldn't he tell me this?

"I can assure you that you are definitely all that I want. I am falling more and more in love with you every single day and I don't want to do this out of pure lust but because I want to share something bigger than what we already have. I want that emotional and physical connection because you mean everything to me and we should be allowed to show that to each other if we both felt the same way."

I don't know what I did to shut him up and change his mind, but he kisses me again with more intensity than he's ever done.

Revised;