for, liar

Chapter 43

"What? Is everything okay?" Miles asks.

I had such a blissful night and morning with him that I had totally forgotten that my best friend in the entire universe hates my guts right now. It shouldn't even matter. I left her unstable and I have to make sure she's alright. Even if she won't talk to me, I have to know.

"I have to call Maddy." I tell him without much of an explanation and start swimming back to the sand.

I feel like such a dumbass for leaving my insanely hot,wet, and shirtless boyfriend in the ocean while I go try to mend things again with Maddy. How many times am I going to say "Oh, we don't fight that often" and live through the endless cycle of me trying to help her and her turning it into my problem.

Some people just can't be helped. I'm starting to think Maddy is one of them. She ends up finding her way back on her own but I always feel like it's my duty to fix something if it's wrong. She would do the same for me, at least I hope she would.

I picked up my phone to call her. It rings a few times before going to voicemail. I somehow knew that was going to happen so I tried to call her mom. She answers on the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Hennith! Hi, it's Bree. I'm sorry to bother you but did you ever get my message last night about Maddy?"

There's a moment of silence and I worry that she blatantly ignored that message to carry on doing whatever she wants, as usual.

"Sorry, um...yes, I did. Maddy's home right now with me. Her phone is turned off and put away."

I'm mentally crossing my fingers, hoping this isn't as bad as last time. "Is she okay? I didn't exactly leave on good terms." I admit and look down at my feet in the sand.

"She is fine, sweetheart. We're going to give it the weekend or so and see if there's improvement. If not, we'll take other matters, I guess. I'm just hoping this isn't like-"

"Last time. I know." I mumble.

Maddy was sixteen and dealt with her first real breakup with her ex boyfriend, Peter, when she caught him cheating. They were only together for a couple of months but she swore she was going to marry him. She went into this deep depression and stopped eating. She wouldn't talk to anyone, not even me or Selena. She definitely didn't want another boyfriend after that either.

I had to tell her mom that she refused to eat and was saying really dark things. Jenny set up therapy sessions for her. Maddy refused to go for the longest time because she just didn't want to believe that she could be helped if she would just talk about it. Over time, she started to feel better. She became more confident in herself and that's when she started getting really interested in boys. That was also when boys became very interested in her. She went from the dark, depressed loner that sat in the back of the class to a date with a different guy every damn week.

Sometimes I feel like I got so interested in psychology because of her. I wanted to help her as much as I could so I based my entire future career on figuring out brain patterns and how to deal with emotions. With the way I handle Maddy, I honestly don't think this field is for me. I dedicated my last four years to getting my degree just to realize that might have been the wrong way to go because I wasn't one-hundred percent into it. I still don't know what my calling is. It definitely isn't serving fucking coffee for a living.

"She's going to be okay, Breanna. Enjoy your trip and she'll be here when you get back." She says in an effort to calm me down.

"Okay. Can you just tell her I love her? I'll tell her sorry when I get home."

I'm always saying sorry. I feel like it's worth it because I just can't lose her.

"She loves you too. Talk to you later."

We mutually end the call. I set my phone back in my tote and take a deep breath. Miles comes up behind me, sneaking his arms around my waist.

"Is everything okay?" He asks again.

I nod my head and turn to face him. "She's going through a lot right now. I feel shitty to leave things the way that I did. Even if she did yell at me for no reason."

"Look, I know you're worried because you care so much, but there's only so much you can do at this point. You're a great friend to her. Don't beat yourself up thinking you're not doing enough."

Am I doing enough? If she's constantly sad all of the time and we bicker every week, then who exactly is the problem?

"You're right. Her mom is taking care of her this weekend. I don't want to think about this on our three day vacay."

I reach forward for his hand as he pulls me in to kiss me. I giggle when our lips touch, listening to the waves crash off in the distant background. It feels like a movie sometimes to be with someone this perfect. I hate that I feel undeserving of this.

"Mom and Penny walked down to the boardwalk. It's about a mile down. There's a bunch of restaurants and shops if you want to go." He says.

"Yeah! That sounds amazing. I feel like we should at least get dressed though." I suggest and discreetly scan his torso.

This is the first time I'm actually looking at it. He usually wears loose fitted shirts and baggy pairs of jeans. He never takes his shirt off around me because he swears he's always cold. I always thought there would be another reason why he was scared to show me his body, but I can't think of one good enough. His arms and stomach are toned, not overly muscular, and he's got a slight tan line from what I'm assuming is his previous visit to see his mother.

"That's a good idea. You look very beautiful by the way. I don't think I mentioned it earlier."

The way he compliments me is sincere. He doesn't try to throw any sly gestures to sexualize me. His eyes are always locked on mine and never wander anywhere else. I chose this bathing suit because I wanted him to see me that way but now I just feel underdressed. I don't need him to see me in that way because I think he sees me better than I see myself.

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