for, liar

Chapter 17

I spend the rest of the day unpacking boxes and rearranging things around the apartment. Maddy finally texted me saying she'll be home around dinner time. I decided to be the bigger person and cook something up. She loves nothing more than a big ass plate of pasta so I try my best by following a chicken alfredo recipe that I found online. I'm not the best when it comes to cooking, but I feel like it's one of those things where as long as you have directions it can come out great; at least if you follow them correctly.

By the time the pasta is finished boiling, the timer goes off for the chicken. I pull it out of the oven carefully and rest it on the stove until I get the sauce and noodles situated. I set up the plates neatly before placing them on the table across from each other. Boxes of garlic toast were on sale so I made that to go with it. It's all carbs tonight but we all know that shit is the supreme comfort food. We both need all the comfort we can get right now.

The front door opens just in time. Maddy makes her way inside and sets her handbag on the couch. I walk out of the kitchen to greet her. She looks up at me with puffy eyes and her nose reddened. Concern floods through me and I quickly make my way over to where she's standing.

"Maddy? What happened?" I ask and embrace her tightly.

She buries her face into my shoulder and starts sobbing. It's been awhile since I've seen her cry and each time it rips my heart in half. Any anger I had been holding onto had completely vanished at the sight of her. I wait patiently for her to tell me what happened today while I hold onto her. She takes a few minutes to catch her breath and pulls away from my grip. She wipes her eyes on her palms and lets out a deep breath. I know she hates crying as much as I hate seeing her sad.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask, urging  her to speak up in case there was anything I could do to help.

Maddy sits down on the couch and pulls her handbag in her lap. She opens it up and starts rummaging through it before pulling out a slip of folded paper. She holds it in both of her hands as if she was reluctant to show it to me.

"Maddy, let me see it."

Her eyes close tightly as she furrows her brows. I reach over and touch the corner of the paper. She loosens her grip and lets me pry it from her hands. I don't want to think the worst and manifest something horrible, but I'm definitely scared to look at this paper. There's many possibilities that could leave my best friend in shambles.

I finally force myself to unfold the paper and take a look inside. The paper was crumpled and looked as if it had aged a few years, but was still in good enough condition to read. I notice the handwriting instantly and suddenly I can hear my pulse.

"This is Selena's handwriting. Where did you get this?" I ask all choked up.

The tears welling up in my eyes make it hard to focus and try to actually read the paper. It's in the shape of a letter and looks to have been written in a hurry. That wasn't unusual for Selena. Things were only ever done at the last minute when it came to her.

"She gave it to me for my birthday. I had it in my glovebox and didn't realize. Of course I would find it a day before the anniversary of her..."

Death. I hate being reminded of it. It's hard knowing that everything we have right now will someday not matter. We'll be gone and off to the next life leaving traces of ourselves by pictures and the memories of others. I believe in a God, for sure. I really believe life is a gift and I do have hope that we were put here for a purpose, even if that was to just live and love people. I'm young and haven't thought too much of what I think my purpose is.

Selena died four years ago. She would have walked across the stage with us. She would probably be in this apartment with us. I had seen her just about every day since we were 6 up until the day she died. Sometimes I refuse to believe she's actually gone and almost text her phone.

"So that's why you're so upset? Because you found an old letter Selena gave you?" I say softly and fold the paper back up.

She looks defeated. Maybe it's time we really do talk about this since last time this incident came up, she was wasted and the issue blew over like it always does.

I set the paper down on the coffee table and hug her again. She seems much more relaxed now.

"You know she wouldn't want us to sit around and mope." I tell her encouragingly.

She was a wild spirit. We hadn't talked much about dying because we were all hopeful and sure that our lives would be long like everyone our age had hoped. The one time we did speak about it was at lunch during senior year of high school. It was a week after Maddy went to the doctor to get a spot looked at that had the possibility of being cancerous. It was a morbid conversation and Selena admitted that if she were to die any time soon, she would want the funeral to be short and sweet. After that, she wanted a huge party in her honor and only happy thoughts to live on. Back then I laughed at how lightly she spoke of the topic, but then I realized that's just who she was and she made a very valid point. Life is too short to mope.

"She was supposed to be here with us." She whispers and keeps her face against my shoulder. 

"She still is..."

I glance over at the one framed picture on our wall that I hung up as soon as we started unpacking. My favorite picture of the three of us was taken on our mountain trip right before college and the last trip before the accident.

"In memory and in love."

Revised;