for, liar

Chapter 24

Even being outside in the open, I feel like I can't get anywhere. I catch myself on the stair rail and lean against it, breathing heavily. My mind is running circles telling me over and over again that I fucked this up. It barely even started and I fucked it up!

This was my worst fear. I knew that once I finally decided to put myself out there that something would happen and I would ruin it all. Then on top of that, I thought it would be a great idea to run out like a little bitch without just talking through it and explaining myself normally. I can't blame him if he wants nothing to do with me. I might as well have talked about my ex boyfriend or something.

"Bree!"

I didn't even notice the doors had moved. I never heard him run after me but somehow I'm ecstatic to hear him calling my name. I look up at him with puffy eyes and shove my shaking hands in my pockets.

"What is going on?" He asks calmly and walks down the steps to get closer.

"I-I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm ready for all of this. A lot has happened in the past few years and I thought I was ready but now I realize I'm probably not. I didn't mean to ruin the night. I'm really sorry."

I can't stop rambling. Oh God, someone please make me stop talking.

"It's just that you're really nice and super freaking hot and I was so scared that I was going to do something to screw this up like I always do. I haven't dated in forever or really dated anyone besides like one guy, and I was already super nervous and I fuckin' ramble when I'm nervous so I just-"

Miles cuts me off when he hastily steps towards me, places both of his hands on the side of my face, and kisses me. I definitely wasn't ready for this though I'm thankful it shut me up.

He pulls away after a few seconds and stares at me, waiting for me to speak. I'm actually at a loss for words now.

"Was that too much? I feel like that was too much." He says tensely.

"Uh...no, that was okay. I mean-...that wasn't too much." I stutter.

"I shouldn't have just jumped the gun like that but I wanted to calm you down and I also have been wanting to do that since you pepper sprayed that guy in the alley for me."

I hysterically burst into laughter.

What is going on with this date?

"Well thank you for not doing it then, I suppose. It would've been a little weird."

"So it's not weird now?" He asks.

"You're making it weird."

He laughs and nods. "Right, I know I am. Can we return to our dinner now? I was serious about getting to know you...and eating. They've got killer garlic bread here."

He puts his hand out towards mine and I grab it eagerly.

"Yeah, let's go do that."

We stayed in the restaurant until it was about time for them to close. I feel like I've talked more these past few hours than I've ever talked in my entire life. At first there wasn't much I could say, but then once I got comfortable, it all came out and I felt fine.

We went back and forth talking about our lives, our dreams, our drives, and just about everything under the sun.

He told me a little about his childhood and how his parents had never been married so he mainly stayed with his mother growing up, but would visit his dad the last weekend of every month. His father lives in Brooklyn with his wife and her two kids so Miles hasn't seen him since he graduated high school. His mom moved down to South Carolina to live in Myrtle Beach with her also super single best friend. Apparently they've known each other since middle school and have a better friendship than any relationship Miles has seen or had.

We avoided the topic of dating because, according to Miles, his current love interest knocks out any past one and he feels that an intimate relationship doesn't matter unless it's the end game. A little twisted way of thinking, but I guess I can't blame him for wanting to forget about shitty relationships that never really have an impact on you. Unfortunately, I can't say I wasn't impacted from my last relationship- not that it was in a good way.

Walking through the city we continued our conversations asking each other whatever we could think to ask. His sarcasm is amusing and he somehow does it without sounding like a jerk. He walks with both of his hands in his pockets; unless one is holding mine, which he kept switching back and forth to for awhile. I never would've made any advancements towards him, especially tonight, so I'm glad he's taking initiative without making me feel uncomfortable.

His laugh is contagious. His smile makes everything around us fade into nothing so my eyes couldn't dare wander to anything else. He's funny, charismatic, beautiful, has a keen outlook on life, and seems absolutely perfect that it could be either a front or just a dream.

At this moment I'm floating and I haven't felt this good or hopeful in so long.

"I think we've gotten enough in depth of our lives and aspirations. Let's go back to the basics." He suggests as we reach Marshall Park.

We've been walking for a couple of miles. Usually I'd be tired by now but my mind is too focused on my date to think about anything else, even fatigue.

"Basics? Like what? Oh! What's your full name?" I ask him.

He rolls his eyes at me and keeps smiling as we walk. It's pitch black outside but there are enough light posts to illuminate the path we're on.

"Miles Mason Hart. Before you laugh, Mason was my grandfather's name and my mom couldn't think of a good middle name so that's why I have two first names."

"I wasn't going to laugh! It's cute, honestly." I tell him and nudge his side.

"What about you?"

"Breanna Nicole Taylor. My mom loves basic first names too if you haven't noticed."

"Uh huh, so why do you go by Bree?"

I grab his hand again and swing our arms back and forth. "My grandma's name was Beatrice and she went by Bea. It's more like a remembrance thing even though my mother still refuses to call me that." I explain.

"Your mom seems interesting." He says.

I find myself laughing again and a quick reminder of exactly how crazy she can be flashed through my mind. "She is. I know she loves me and worries about me, but sometimes she goes a little overboard so I just try to keep the peace and let her do whatever."

He stops in his tracks and faces me. I'm a little disappointed when he lets go of my hand.

"You're an adult, Bree. You don't have to keep the peace if something she's doing is wrong. Yeah we should respect our parents and all but they're people too and they make mistakes."

He's right. I know he's right. I just don't like being that person when I know everything my mom has been through. She sacrifices a lot for me and the least I can do is make her proud by being what she expects me to be.

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