for, liar

Chapter 88

"What the fuck?!" I yell from across the room.

Maddy jumps and her eyes dart to mine. She quickly pushes Ben away. Her eyes are widened with fear and she looks like she's about to cry.

"Bree! I-"

My head is pounding. I don't know why I yelled. I shouldn't be mad at all but I think the alcohol is starting to speak for me. "What is wrong with you? Why are you always fishing for attention from every guy in the fucking universe! You know how shitty of a guy he is!"

Ben scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Bree, just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you can filter through my potential girls."

Filter through? I am not filtering his sex life. He can have whoever he wants but he's not hurting my best friend.

I look over at her and see the redness in her eyes and cheeks. I'm hurting my best friend. Oh.

My eyes don't break from Maddy. I know she's furious with me for embarrassing her. Not only did I do it in front of half the people here, I made both of us look like fools. I'm definitely the bigger one here and everyone knows it.

"Maddy, I'm sorry. I just don't want you getting tangled up in some mess that I know you shouldn't have to deal with right now. After everything with Damian, do you really think Ben would be a better option?"

She crosses her arms. I can't tell if her face is red with embarrassment or pure hatred. It's probably both.

"I don't think you get to have a say in this, honestly. Who said I was even looking for another boyfriend right now?"

I have no right to judge her here though I sure wish she had better taste. She's still heartbroken. I get it that she wants some opposite-sex attention. We've all been there, I just thought she'd respect the girl code a little more.

"Okay, but out of respect for your best friend, don't you think it's a little uncomfortable to be messing around with my ex?" I ask.

Ben steps closer to us. I almost step back thinking he would do something stupid but he should know better. He had the upperhand last time. I doubt Miles will let him have it again.

"Why do you care? You're fucking that dude. You're over me, remember?"

Why would he even bring that up? It isn't even relevant to the issue!

I clench my fists. "Ben, mind your business." I say through gritted teeth.

Maddy continues to stare at me without saying a word. I think I made her really mad.

"Maddy, can we please talk?" I beg.

She nods and allows me to pull her down the hall and out the front door to the porch. I just wanted to have one night where I didn't end up arguing with someone at a party.

I put both of my hands on the railing and hang my head over the ledge to take a deep breath of fresh air. I'm beginning to think I took too many shots.

"I don't get it. Why him?" I ask, still avoiding looking at her.

She presses her back against the rail and hangs her head down in shame. "We haven't done anything. We've been out a few times and he said he wanted to see me tonight if we came to the party. He's a little drunk and started kissing me. That was the first time we've actually kissed. I knew it was stupid but a part of me was just...lonely, I guess."

I finally mustered the courage to look over at her again. She has both of her hands in her jean pockets and still has her head pointed towards the ground.

"I'm not trying to get in the way of your love life but I just think it's really weird that you're interested in him. You know what happened between us. You know almost everything about him from what I've told you."

"Exactly. I know what you told me. You even admitted that a lot of things that went downhill during your relationship were because of you. I don't think it's fair to him to have my judgement be based on what I've heard from someone else. He's always been very sweet to me. I'm sorry you guys didn't work out and I know he hurt you, but don't you think it's time to truly let him go? It might make it easier to have him be with someone else. You have someone else. Someone you obviously love so why shouldn't he?"

I drag both of my hands down my cheeks. I really don't care if Ben finds someone to mess around with or whatever his intentions are here. I want him to be happy as much as I am. I just can't shake the weirdness this would be to see my best friend and my ex boyfriend together. I'm figuratively puking thinking about it.

"I'm tired of seeing you hurt. I'm tired of watching you give these guys all your devotion and attention just for them to shatter your heart over and over again. You can't blame me for worrying about this. He's not capable of dealing with emotions and you're a very emotional person. If you want something for the long run, you really need to think about this." I sigh.

"I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I just want to have fun and get to know people better. If it becomes more than that then we can have this conversation again but for right now I think it's best if you let me make my own decisions about him. I know you want to protect me. That's all you've ever wanted to do but if you want me to grow and learn and love with all that I have, you have got to let me make my own mistakes even if it destroys me. At some point it'll be worth it and I'll know."

She's saying this now until another deep depression hits and I'll have to beg her mom for help again. She doesn't understand how weak she can get when it comes to her emotions. Maddy is hardheaded and I know she's never going to actually do what I say, which is fine because she doesn't have to, but if I don't say it and something happens then it will fall back on me as her best friend. It's happened plenty of times before.

"If you're serious about this and you really are that interested in getting to know more about him then you have my blessing. Not that you need it or anything but-"

She surprises me by throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me into a strong embrace. "I know you want what's best for me and the last thing I want to do is disappoint you. If I don't keep making dumb ass decisions, I'll never learn from them."

"And I'll never have someone to learn what not to do from." I chuckle.

"Exactly! We're a perfect match."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go inside and do what we came here for."

Revised;