Broken Promises (Epitome Series #2)

Kabanata 14

I had been always hard on myself. For me, happiness means achieving something beyond anyone's expectations that's why I care less about how some people see me. I don't have any sense of socialization. May mga kaibigan ako pero pili lang at kaonti. I had been admired by many people but been hated easily. Ganoon talaga siguro. Fame comes with a bigger responsibility. I always choose to set boundaries. Even with friends and families. But life always has something to do with me in opposite. I don't like people who talk so much but I became friends with Leilana. I don't want to be recognized by people but I do and been part of our school's gymnastic's team. I always want to do something that I will surely stood up. But in the other hand, I sometimes realized that I am just doing this for recognition. Gusto ko lang talagang matagpuan. I always crave for attention and love especially from my family, my mother. Pero ngayong nakilala ko si Chester, pakiramdam ko hindi ko kailangang magpanggap. Hindi ko kailangang maging the best para lang ma-appreciate. Hindi ko kailangang maging mahina para intindihin at mahalin. He love the whole me. He loves me for who I really am. Ramdam ko iyon. Sa bawat ngiti niya habang tinititigan ako. Sa bawat pakikinig niya habang nagsasalita ako. Sa bawat pagobserba niya sa lahat, kahit sa katiting na bagay. Hindi niya pinaparamdam sa akin na may kulang ako. Nahanap niya ako sa mga panahong ligaw na ligaw ako.

He found me when no one else does because they refuse to know that I am lost.

Kaya ngayong nandito na siya sa tabi ko. I will do the best I can just for him to stay kahit na sobrang hirap kong intindihin.

When I asked him na ilayo niya ako dito, he became hesitant at first but when I smiled to give him assurance that it's fine. No one else will know anyway, mabilis niya akong hinila paalis doon. The tight of his grip while holding my hands was so secured that he's making sure I won't be left behind. Na hindi ako maiiwan. That I won't slip away.

Dinala niya ako sa esplanade. Ni hindi ako nakaramdam ng takot o bahala na sumama sa kanya. I have this weird feeling that some are also experiencing when they are with someone they love. A sense of security.

I don't cling with someone. Though I have never been with anyone before, sobrang sinungaling ko naman kung sasabihin ko na kahit kailan walang nagtangkang manligaw manlang sa akin. I have a lot of suitors before. May mga taong nagkakagusto lang but they never really pursued me maybe because they are afraid of me? O baka talagang torpe lang? Leilana will always point my attitude. Na sobrang intimidating ko raw kasing tignan kaya wala masyadong nagtatangkang lumapit. Si Leilana lang madalas ang nilalapitan kung may gustong ipatanong tungkol sa akin. Ilang beses ko na ring nabasted si Stan but he's really serious kaya kinaibigan ko nalang in the end so that he will always be with me. Alam kong manhid ako sa part na iyon but what choice do I have? Friendship is all I can offer.

At isa pa, I don't see any man who understands me. Kapag nalalamang may anger issue ako, trust issue and other issues there, humihinto na kaagad. Pero mas marami paring matitigas at ayaw sumuko. Syempre, I don't settle for less especially for bare minimum that's why I have never liked anyone before. May mga nagiging crush pero Hollywood stars lang o hindi kaya'y fictional characters. I don't know, fiction characters set my standards too high.

Lumapit kami sa railings malapit sa river. Kumalas na ako sa paghawak ng kamay niya. Pumangalumbaba ako sa railings habang malalim ang iniisip. He let silence devour us for a few moments.

Napasinghap ako bago bumaling sa kanya. Hindi na ako nagulat nang namataang nakatingin lang siya sa akin buong minutong tahimik kaming dalawa. I shifted my weight. Humarap ako sa kanya habang siya naman ay nanatiling nakaharap sa river pero sa akin ang tingin.