Will Of A Deity

43| The Attack

22:00
Claude Manor
Hyron Dominus Rye Claude

Hold it back. I can't show weakness.

I still have to entertain some of the guests. Archduke Levi is here. Maybe I should bring up the coal mines? I saw Baron Williams with Sir Elliot a while ago. They must be discussing the West port. Duchess Leilanie is also in attendance. I must welcome her. The silk trade in the East has been doing well recently. It might be a good investment. I think Minister Bae-in is also taking interest with the mines in Farschtein. If we reach an agreement, we might establish a good connection to Inslo Conglomerate. I heard the Chief of the Eastern Marines is also invited, I must put in a good word for Father. The Welkin family is here, and they brought their two sons. I heard Casper, the older one, has a lot of potential. Maybe I can turn him into an acquaintance. I need to tell the servers to stop bringing the Mr. Wilde more alcoholic drinks, he seems wasted. I don't want him to cause a scene. The youngest of the Rosendale siblings just turned 15 last week, and I should greet her. What was her name again? Mirabel? Miranda? Marly?

"Fuck! Why can't I remember?!" This isn't like me. I need to stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Sta----

My mind went blank when I saw a droplet of water drop on the vamp of my shoe. Where did that come from? Then another droplet drop again. That's when I realize where it's coming from.

My knees felt weak so I ended up sitting on the floor, in the hallway. The hallways feels emptier and darker than usual. I lean back on the wall weakly. I don't even have the energy to get my handkerchief from my pocket. I just let my tears stream down my face.

What am I doing? I feel so pathetic. I run my fingers through my hair, messing it up. No matter how much I force myself to think straight right now my mind keeps stumbling around like a drunkard. It's messing with my senses. I feel suffocated. I loosen my tie thinking it would help me breath better. I feel paralyzed. I'm overwhelmed yet my body feels so numb.

"Aahh..." my chest hurts. I want to scream so badly.

Why does it have to be like this?

I miss her so much.

I miss my mom.

Why did she left too early?

I need my mom.

I feel so alone.

I stayed paralyzed in that position for some time. Until a pair of two polished shoes appeared before me.

"Young master," I look up to see Astrid holding a serving tray. He lowered it to me and there is a glass of water and a pill on the tray. "The duke needs you in the drawing room right now."

I lifelessly took the pill and drank the water after it. I hate taking antidepressants, they always dry my mouth.

I stand up from the floor and dust my pants.

"Young master---"

"I know, damn it!" I swat his hands away when he tried to help me fix myself. I fix my own tie myself and fix my hair.

He didn't insist in helping me anymore.

"The duke is in the drawing room. He's with Lord Helios and Lady Valene."