You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

8. akwardness

IDINAS POV

It's been a week since the occasion between me and kris. I'm in the shower after the show trying to get all the green from my body. It's been a whole week without having Kristin in my dressingroom before and after the show and I must say I miss her. I miss us. The shows are normal, she is her bubbly self on stage but as soon as we are backstage after the curtain call it goes back to akward. I tried calling, texting and I even tried to speak to her in the hallway. But all she does is turns around avoid any kind of contact. I don't know if she is still mad or that she is just ashamed. I twist the ring around my finger. I was still wearing a ring, not my wedding ring but it is one who looks a whole lot like one. There is a part of myself that wants nothing more than to ditch this ring, but people will ask questions. And I'm not ready for it. The wound is still fresh and talking about it will cause questions. Questions like "why did you two break up?" or "what was the point you realised?" Everyone will ask judge me and I can't have that. I just can't tell, not even Kristin. 

KRISTINS POV

It was another day of avoiding Idina. I miss her, I really miss her. I just can't face her. It's not that I'm mad at her for kissing me. No way, I love her for kissing me. But I feel this guilt. Everytime I see her all I can think of is me being the reasons she divorces Taye. I can see them fight, her crying because she told him and I can see him leaving her. Leaving her heartbroken. And it will be my fault. I know she kissed me, but I kissed back. Okay stop it Kristin, you're fucking with your own mind. I look at myself in the mirror. It's an saterday night after the show and I can hear people leaving in the hallway. I sigh and start to pack up my stuff. I stack up the scattered make-up on my dresser, put my brush into the drawer and put away the random clothes that are scattered all over the floor. Once my room looks kind of decent I turn to the door and switch off the lights. 'See you tomorrow' I think by myself. I chuck my purse onto my shoulder and close the door behind me. Before I can even set a second step I bump into someone. "oh sorry, are you okay" I say as I look up. It's her, ofcourse it's her. It's her with her beautiful face, her gorgeous eyes, her brown hair and her magical smile. "Kris" she breathes. When I try to continue walking she graps my hand. I shiver at her touch and pull back my hand. "kris, we need to talk" she whispers looking around if there is no one around. I just stare at her. "please?" she is begging me. I shake my head. "No dee, we need to forget about it. What happened last week was a mistake. For both you and me. You're married for god sake." I snap causing her to remain silence. I can see her trying to hold back tears. "It's complicated kris" she whispers. "It doesn't seem that complicated to me. You're married and I can't be the one breaking that up because of us kissing." I snap and with those words being said I walk paseds her. Leaving her alone in a complete shock.

IDINAS POV

"I really don't know what to do" I say with the phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder. I put my plate into the microwave as I wait for Jet to answer me. "What exactly do you want to happen dina?" he has a point as always. "I just said, I don't know" I snap and I can hear him sigh. "hey you don't have to snap at me, I did nothing wrong" he says with an slightly indignant tone. "I'm sorry, it's just been really hard having her ignore me for a whole week. She is my best friend Jet, I just can't lose her" I utter with a sad undertone. Even if it won't work out between us, she is still my best friend. I can't loose my best friend. "Maybe you should tell her" I frown my eyebrown. "Tell her what?" I already have a feeling of what he is about to say, but I just want to hear him say it. "Tell her about him Dina" he explains. "I can't, you know I can't do that." my voice is barely audible. I'm trying to fight back the tears. Just thinking about the idea of someone else than Jet knowing about what happened gives me a anxiety attack. "Dina" his tone is distinct but soft. "You can't live a lie forever and you know that" he stated. I remain silence as I feel a tears fall down my cheek. "I know it's hard. You can't tell me otherwise, I've always been there. I was the one who stood next to you, whatever happened. I was there. I just think you're making it harder for yourself. I mean you're still wearing a ring for christ sake. Who are you kidding? I know you loved him. I've seen you look at him, with that look. But he used you, he hurt you, he broke your heart and not to forget he broke you. You deserve better dina. You always did. You can start with taking of that ring, I know you got rid of your wedding ring, but wearing a simular one doesn't help. Not for the people around you, but also not for you. It's confusing Dina, you need closure. I don't want you to rush things, because I know you get anxious when things go to fast. But I also don't want you to get deeper into this. It hurts me to see you like this, I miss my old Dina. Okay, and you don't have to tell the whole world, but you can start with telling her. You have that look in your eyes when you look at her dina. That same look as that you had when you looked at him. I know you really love her Dina." the tears are streaming down my cheeks as he finished talking. "Thank you Jet, you own my heart. But I just can't tell her everything. At least not yet. It will break her, it will break me. You know what happens when I have an attack I can't let have her see me like that." I whisper. "Just take your time, tell her when you think she is ready. And more important when you are ready. If you really love her she deserves to know dina" I nod realizing that he can't see me. "thank you." I whisper and he laughs. "anytime honey, I got your back. I love you, get some sleep and I will speak to you soon okay. Hang in there" with those words said he breaks the line up. I smile and put down my phone on the counter. I"m blessed with him as my best friend

I kinda feel like it's getting boring. But it will get more interesting soon

Xo mel