You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

42. happy birthday

LUNAS POV

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you" the soft voice of my dad echoes into my ears as I slowly open my eyes. When I'm used to the bright light thats coming through my curtains I see my dad sitting at the corner of my bed with a cupcake. I can feel the corners of my mouth lift up and I sit myself in front of my dad to blow out the little candle on top of the cupcake. "happy 12th birthday my dear" he whispers in my ear after kissing my cheek. "Thanks dad"

After a little while I walk down the stairs to find a birthday breakfast on the kitchen table. I kiss my dad on his cheek again before sitting down. "You will get your presents after school but I want to give you this now" he smiles while handing me a small blue box with a golden heart on top. I put down my food before taking it out of his hands. I gently let my finger go over the soft velvet before opening the box. There is a tiny golden necklace in the middle of the box with a small falling star on it. "It's your moms necklace and she wanted you to have it" my dads voice is slightly cracking while I see the tears in his eyes. "It's wonderful" I breathe out letting myself fall into my dads arms. "She is proud of you baby girl"

KRISTINS POV

"Are you okay darling?" I gently nudge against Idina her shoulder causing her to snap out of her thoughts. She looks at me with a confused look on her face which means that she probably has been zoned out for a longer time. "Are you okay?" I repeat myself while putting my hand on hers. She nods and gives me a smile. I sit myself in front of her. "You know you can tell me everything right?" I try but she just nods again and strokes her thumb over the back of my hand. Knowing her she is overprocessing something and she will tell me eventually. Instead of pushing I sit myself against her for her to put her arms around me nestling herself closer to me. I can see her focus on the television again but we both know that won't be for long. Her fingers are making small circles on my back while she continues watching the television. Even if I don't want it my body relaxes under her touch. It always has been her trick. She used to do it whenever I would be stressed before or after the show. And she continued doing it at home. It used to be one of the only things that really could calm me down. Just her touch

"What's wrong darling?" she rushes into my dressingroom. I can see her eyes going up and down noticing that my dress is still spread out over the ground ready for me to put it on. It's 10 minutes before curtain call and I got myself into a panic attack. My breathing exercises are not working and I need to calm myself down. "Kris talk to me?" I snap out of my thought while I look at my own hands in Idinas green hands. "I just need you to touch me. Not in that way, but I need you to touch me like only you can" I let out slowly making eye contact. Her green eyes soften and she pulls me to the couch. She pulls me against her and slowly puts her lips against my temple. I can feel her hand on my back and soon enough her fingers are making circling motions on my back. I let out a small sign and I can almost immediatly feel my body relax under her touch. "I love you" is all she whispers and after a few minutes she stops. "Are you okay?" she whispers in my ears and I just nod. "I'm ready"

LUNAS POV

"I'm home!" I kick off my shoes in the hallway and make my way to the livingroom where I find my dad in his chair reading a book. "Hello sweetie, how was school?" he says while closing the book. "It was good. They sang for me and Vanessa got me a small present" I speak while sitting down on the couch. "That's very sweet of her, are you ready for your other presents?" I nod and sit myself straight up. "Okay first up this one" he hands me a medium size box wrapped into wrapping paper. I unwrap the present and a smile appears on my face when I see a box of a karaoke set appear. "How did you know I wanted this?!" I grin to my dad and her just gives me a wink. "That's my job as a dad" I sit next to him and he pulls me closer. In spite of my happiness I can feel my dads mood change the slightest bit. He straightens hisself and clears his throat. "The next thing I'm going to give you is not really a birthday present. It's something we wanted to give you when you'd be old enough to understand. And since we.. you've been so strong and you've grown so much the past few months I think it's time for you to open it." I look at my dad with some hesitation and I'm starting to get nervous. "Just remember that whatever it says I will always love you. And mommy will always love you." I see him reaching to the side table next to him and grabbing the white envelope. Before handing it over he pulls me even closer and presses a kiss on my temple. The envelope seems older and there are some light stains. Besides that my name is written in a nice cursive handwriting. I slowly open the envelope and pull out the handwritten letter. I look up to my dad and he just gives me a reassuring nod and a squeeze in my hand. My eyes focus on the paper and I swallow down my nerves. "Dear Luna" is what it says in the first sentence. After that I let my eyes flow over the sentences.

Dear Luna,
I hope you're doing okay. I hope you live the life I promised you. I hope you have what you deserve. I hope you are loved and you get reminded of that every day.
You're probably thinking what is this letter? Well I made a deal with your parents to give you this when you would be old enough to understand this. Old enough to get it and old enough to handle your own feelings. I feel so stupid writing this down, but I need it out of my system. Maybe you will never read this and am I just doing this for nothing. Maybe you will read this and you still won't understand it. And I understand that but please continue reading. Read through it all because there is a reason behind this all. Please don't hate your parents, because they are the reason that you are how you are. Please don't be mad at yourself, because it's not yourself. Please keep on living, because that's all I could ever wish for. 
Okay enough procrastination for now. I wrote this letter to tell you something important. I'm writing this because I want to tell you that I'm your mother. I'm your birthmother, which means that you are adopted. You are adopted by the most amazing parents you could ever wish for. The parents who welcomed you with open arms. Happy to finally meet you after a long time. They gave you everything that I would never be able to give you. When you were born I was 20. I made my money singing at weddings and bar mitswas, which was not a lot but I manage to get an apartment with my best friend. I manage to get my first real job and I was about to become what I've always wanted to be. But then I found out I was pregnant with you. And at first it freaked me out, I was not ready to become a mom. I had no steady relationship, no money and I was about to start my dreamjob. But still I kept my mind on keeping you. Because you were my miracle, my little angel. Until I told my mom. Long story short, she wasn't really happy with the news and she told me that she didn't want anything to do with me and you. My best friend helped me a lot in that period where I needed someone. Halfway through everything changed. We ran out of money and then I realised that is no way to live for a baby. I made the most difficult choice I've ever had to make and I will ever have to make. I choose to give you the life you deserved. A life with a family that would give you everything that you needed and I couldn't give you. I got to hold you 4 times. They put you in my arms after you were born. Two hours later they cleaned you and I fed you. The third time was when I drove you to your new family and the last time was before I put you to sleep in your brand new room. I stroked through your hair and I kissed you goodbye. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it was the best for you. It's what you deserve. And now you're probably wondering what my name is, what I do and where I live. But I just can't tell you, not until you're ready. Your parents know me, they can contact me if you really want. But please only do it when you are sure that you're ready. And if you decide that your not ready and you will never get ready, that's okay. Just know that I'm sorry, but that I'm also happy that you got what you deserved. You will always be my angel and I never stopped loving you. From the moment you came into my life you never left my mind. Please be yourself and never be afraid to take a leap.

I love you always
love, your mom

A/N
Hi there, I hope you have a good day! It feels like forever since I wrote this chapter, but I hope you like it
Xo Mel