You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

34. I love you always

Street light are dimmed making the blonde walk faster that normal. The feeling of someone following her makes her heart beat faster. Keep going, you're almost home. The blonde mumbles to herself but never losing the speed she is walking in. The most funny thing is that nobody is actually following her, she is just making herself paranoia. A few minutes later she arrives at her appartment making the anxious feeling go away a little. She makes her way up and after turning the key she gets happily greeted by the brown furred dog jumping in front of her. "Hello baby girl, mommy is home" she says petting the dog on her head. "hello my darling" a familiar sound echoes from out the living room. "Lane, what are you doing here" she squealed falling into her boyfriends arms. He kissed the top of her head and strokes through her blonde hair. "Well hello to you too" the younger man said giving his girlfriend a smile. "I thought it would be a nice suprise for you to come back from the theatre to a nice diner at home" he said pointing to the set up diner table the blonde hadn't noticed yet. She just smiled and locked her lips with his. "Thank you"

IDINAS POV

I snap out my dream shooting up making me sit up straight in the middle of my bed. What the fuck was that dream about. Why are you dreaming about Kristin. Why are you making yourself paranoia Idina. The different voices in my head are conducting a discussion in my own head. I look over to my nightstand to see the alarm hitting 3 am. I let out a sigh before letting myself fall back in my pillow. It's been 2 months since Kristin and I split up and a month since she actually left the show. Julia is nice, but it's not my Kristin. Everybody loves her and I try to go with them but it's different. She has been the understudy of Kristin for quite some time but now she is not just the understudy, she is the glinda. I know I sound hideous and awfull but I just miss my favourite blonde witch. The anger had left my body quite some time ago and it made place for an unbareble pain. A knife into my heart and it all happened from the moment she told me she was actually going to leave. I don't even know what changed the feeling. Maybe it was the fact that whenever she would be around we could fix this. Maybe it was just the thought of her leaving making things weird between us. Maybe it was just the thought of someone I loved leaving me again. Leaving me all by myself again, just like everyone was always leaving.

*start flashback*

I walked into my tiny, messy and chaotic apartment kicking some trash out of my way. "You should keep this place cleaner dina, you don't want to get sick." is all I hear my mom saying in the back of my head. I let out a sign. I know she is right, but I was not even in the appartment much anyway. And Jet can clean up aswell. I suddenly feel an urge to throw up and I rush myself to the bathroom throwing myself over the toilet. I hear the frontdoor opening and closing and quickened footstep coming towards me. "What happened" Jet his concerned voice echoes through the bathroom. I just shake my head and sit up. "I think I'm getting a cold" I say before standing up to wash my mouth. "Are you sure?" he looks at me with a arched eyebrow. "What do you mean, I use condoms?!" I spit out knowing what he is referring too. "what you want" he lifts his shoulders, turns around and walks to the kitchen. I walk myself over to the mirror taking a look at my pale face. My brain is making overtime thinking about everything that just happened. When should I get my period. When was the last time I slept with someone. And with who?! Did we use protection? Did I take the pill? A thousand and one thoughts but weirdly enough not one clear answer to one of them.

"Jet" my weak voice is echoing through the apartment. It's I don't know how early in the morning and I am bended over the toilet throwing everything out of my body. "What is it? Where are you?" a very sleepy confused voice sounds from the bedroom. "Bathroom" is everything I say before throwing up again. I can feel my best friend holding my hair back and rubbing over my back. "Here. it's been two weeks" is all he says handing me a small pink box. I look from the box to him. "You did not?" before I can start a discussion he kisses my cheek and leaves the room. I stare at the pink box in my hand. Just pee on the stick and you'll have answer. That's what you want right? Just as always the voices in my head are battling again. I get up and sit on the toilet slowly unpacking the stick. I let out a deep sigh and do what has to be done. Pee on that stick.
"And?" Jet looks up from the tv as I open the door. "3 more minutes" I speak out while sitting down next to him. He puts the television off and throws his arms around my body pulling me against his chest in the movement. "Whatever the result is I will be here for you. You are stuck with me" he winks and kisses the top of my head. After a few minutes my alarm goes off and I look to Jet. He gives me a reasuring smile and I get up to pick up the stick. After taking a deep breath I turn around the stick causing the result to face me. I feel every emotion leaving my body. I stare at the stick and slowly look up to Jet. The tears start forming in my eyes and within a second I collapse to the ground totally breaking. "My mom is going to kill me" I manage to get out in between the sobs. "I don't even know who the father is" I continue while gasping for breath. "And I'm starting a show in 9 months, I can't bring a baby with me" Jet just remains silence and keeps my trembling body in his arms. "Let's calm down first, and we will figure the rest out later. Okay?" I just nods and cuddle myself closer into his arms. 

"Are you sure you want to come with me?" I whisper while looking over to my best friend standing next to me. "I made a promise remember? You're stuck with me" he smiles and grabs my hand. It's a cold winter afternoon and I stare at the door in front of me. My mothers frontdoor to be specific. "I'm scared" I bring out fighting back my tears. "I know you are. but it has been a month and she has the right to know" he says knowing I hate him for teaching me the lesson. I nod and nervously knock my free hand on the door. It takes a few seconds for my mother to open the door but as soon as she sees my face she smile. "Dina, what a suprise" she squeals pulling me into a hug. After she released me she faces Jet. "Long time no seen Jet, what brings you two here?" she rambles while leading us to the livingroom. "You want some hot choc?" she continues already making her way to the kitchen. "Is Cara home?" I speak out feeling even more nerves than I felt outside. Before my mom can answer I can feel someone jumping on my back almost causing me to crash into the ground. "DEE, you're home!" she squeals releasing herself from my back to give me a proper kiss. "I am sissy" I give her a small smile. "three hot chocs and some cookies" my mom says as she walks in the room with a plate. "Mom please sit down" I whisper barely audible. My mom seemed to have understood it because she sits down and looks at me in confusion. "What is it Dina, why are you here?" she speak with an calm voice. "I.. I needed to talk to you about something" I look over at Jet and then at Cara. He seems to get the idea and stands up. "Cara, let go outside for a moment?" he speaks and Cara simply just nods taking a cookie with her on the way out. "What is wrong?" my mom says moving herself over next to me. "I made a mistake. A huge one" I whisper causing my mom to gasp. "You did what?" she says. "I'm pregnant" I say even softer and my mom looks like she is about to have a heart attack. "Is Jet?" she speaks. "God no, I don't - I dont remember" her eyes turn dark in confusion. "You slept with some stranger?!" she yelps and suddenly I'm glad Jet took Cara out. "Mom, no.. okay maybe I did, but I took a morning after pill" I try to get myself out of this situation but it's not going very well. "You're 21 Idina, 21 and about to start a broadway career. You know you fucked up right?" I look up to meet my mothers dissapointed eyes. I slowly nod and fiddle my fingers. "I don't want to get an abortion. I don't want to kill it, mom. Please" I whisper almost begging for her to help me. "I can't take care of him or her Idina. You are starting your career, please don't do this. You worked so hard for it and you are willing to just throw it away?!" she raises her voice making a shiver go down my spine. "I don't know what to do with you. But just know that I won't take care of him or her. You do your thing, but leave me out of it." she stated and with that the conversation was done. I watch her leave the livingroom and call for Cara. I stand up and make my way outside where I find Jet watching cara play fetch with the dog. "Bye curly, I'm going to miss you. I see you soon okay. Be good in college" I give her a kiss and hug her tighly before shaking my hand through her rough curls. "I love you sis" she smiles and I give her a smile back. "I love you too, don't ever forget that okay. Whatever happens I love you always and I will never leave you."

I feel like this is finally a chapter where i don't feel the need to cry😅
I hope you like it
Xo Mel