You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

49. reasons

A/N smut warning later on :)

KRISTINS POV

As I wake up I feel around my waist for Idinas arm, but it's not there. I roam around the bed and feel a cold empty spot behind me which means that she had left the bed quite some time ago. I check the time on the alarmclock on my bedside table to see that it's 5 in the morning. Which is normal for me, but very early for Idina. A sudden sound comes from the bathroom and I get myself up. The light of the bathroom is coming from under the door  and I gently open the it. My eyes need to adjust to the bright light and I find Idina sitting in the bathtub with her arms clutched around her legs. "Dee?" a sudden feeling of worry goes through my body and I rush myself to the bathtub. Her head is resting on her knees and her breathing is steady which calms me down a little bit. I lower myself next to the tub and softly place my hand on her hand. A cold tingle goes through my body as I feel the temperature of her cold hand. "Dee? How long have you been out here?" she slowly lifts her head and the slight puffy bloodshot eyes betray the fact that she had been crying. "About an hour, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm okay though, I woke up from a really realistic dream about Luna. I was crying and I went to the bathroom to splash some water in my face and then go back to sleep. But when I saw myself in the mirror the anxiety kicked in." she whispers the last few words. "Did you take a calming pill?" I let out knowing that whenever she does she needs to keep an eye on everything she does during the day. She slowly nods looking down at the bottom on the tub. "It's okay Dee, if you needed it it's okay" I get up and step into the empty bathtub. Idina gives me a confused look but all I do is lower myself in front of her between her legs. She smiles and I grab her hands. "Do you want me to call Eden to go on for you today?" I ask with a little hesitation because I know it's a sensitive point. I'm also not really suprised if she shakes her head. "I only had one pill, so I should be good." she states. That's the stubborn Idina I love.

We ended up back in bed for another 3 hours of sleep since I had ordered Idina to get some more sleep. Now I'm laying on my side watching the brunette next to me sleep peacefully. Her hair is spread over her pillow, her hand is resting on my thigh and her lips look even more kissable when she is relaxed. I look over to the alarmclock for the second time today and it indicates 9.30 in the morning. Normally we would be up and running already, so I decide to wake Idina up by kissing those oh so kissable lips. As soon as my lips touch hers she seems to wake up. After a few seconds I can feel her lips form a smile and she starts kissing me back. She rolls herself over so that she is on top of me. Her kiss becomes harder but not in the way of I want more than it. When we break apart she just looks at me and presses her lips on the tip of my nose. "Goodmorning honey" she smiles. "goodmorning darling, how are you feeling?" I ask while stroking a hair behind her ear. "I'm feeling better now" she assures me and pulls me straight up to meet my eyes. "How about I drop by for lunch at the theatre today?" I suddenly ask causing her to arche her eyebrow. "Really?" she beams and kisses me again. "yes please, it's been so long" she says between kisses. "Well let's get ourself out of bed first, because otherwise Joe will blame me again for making you late" I chuckle playfully pushing her off me and make my way to the bathroom. "Well the last time I was late it was your fault" she states while I wash my face. "And hows that?" I exclaim. She sticks her head around the corner. "Because the last time I was late was last week when didn't let me come because you are a freaking monster." she scoffs. "Oh I remember, you were very really loud when I finally did" I smirk walking over to her. "If you're nice you can have all that tonight" I whisper in her ear sending the shivers down her spine which appear in goose bumps on her arms . With that said I grin and I walk out of the bathroom leaving Idina totally frozen.

LUNAS POV

"just think about it. I mean maybe she had a good reason" I hear my best friend saying, but it's not really coming onto me. "I don't know Nes. What if she is awful and I will hate her" I simply state not even looking over to her. "Well then you hate her, so what. I mean if you don't try you won't know" she gently places her hand in mine like she always does to give me comfort. "I just miss my mom and I'm afraid that I will forget her" I whisper softly but she seems to have hearded it. "You won't. And your mom wanted you to read the letter, remember?" she explains and I just nod. "Just go home and think about it. Maybe talk with your dad?" she gives me a reassuring smile before going into her street. She lives one street closer to school so I walk the last minute to my house alone. Her words are roaming through my brain and I let out a sign. After a few minutes standing on the porch I open the door. "I'm home" I yell to let my dad know. "Kitchen honey" he answers and I make my way to the kitchen to meet him. He gives me a kiss on my forehead and hands me a fresh cup of chocolat milk. "How was school?" he asks looking over the paper he is reading. "It was okay, we had to make an art project about what our biggest goal was in life." I say gently taking a sip from my chocolat milk. "What did you wrote down?" he gives me a small smile. "I want to make you and mom proud" I say hearing my voice go softer. The look on my dads face softens and he puts down his paper. "Oh honey, me and your mom will always be proud of you. No matter what, remember that" he says pulling me into a hug. I nestle myself into his hug and we sit there for a few minutes. "What did momma say about the letter?" I suddenly ask causing me to break the quietness. "We talked about it for a long time, but it was mostly me that wanted to protect you from it. Not because your birthmom meant harm, but because I thought you were to young for this kind of information to proces. But momma wanted to give you the letter, because she thought you deserved to know. She felt guitly for lieing to you, and she thought it was a selfish choice of us to keep it a secret for longer. So that's what we did. We decided your birthday would be a good day because that's the day you came in our life." as he finishes he looks at me. I remain silence because I'm thinking of what to say. "Why did you ask?" he gently asks looking at me. "I don't know. I talked about it with Vanessa and I've been thinking about it" I simply answer not really looking at him. "That's good right? Thinking?" I just nod. "I think I want to meet her" I say after staying silent for a while. "You sure?" he asks again and I nod again. "Do you want her name first? Before contacting her?" I can feel my dad his mood change and I just look at him. "Why are you being so nervous?" I blurt out before I even can think about it. He looks at me and I can see him swallowing. "I might have to tell you something before you contact her" he lowers his voice which normally means he is nervous. "What?" it comes out harder than I meant to and I look up to my dad. "Sorry" I apologise. "Your mom took you to see you birthmother before she died. She wanted you to see her, but ofcourse you didn't know yet." I arche my eyebrow and my brain is overworking to proces all the information. "You mean that I met her?" he slowly nods. "Not with your mom, but you did" he answers confusing me even more. "Who is my mother then?" I blurt out in confusion staring at my dad. "Idina Menzel"