You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

22. I'm not that girl

3RD PERSONS POV

"Luna honey, come here" the 10 year old brunnete girl skipped over to her dad. As she looks her father in her eyes her smile fades. Her father has this weird look on his face the 10 year old can't place. An mixture between sad, confused and fear. The father takes his daughters hands and caresses his thumb against the back of her hand. "What's the matter dad?" she breaks the tense silence. "You know that mommy was brought to the hospital two days ago, right?" his daughter nods her head without breaking the eyecontact. "Well her condition has gotten very worse and the doctors don't think she will have much time left. So we have to go to the hospital." The older father swallowed back the lumb in his throat. He sees his daughter tearing up and he pulls her against his chest. While he carefully rocks her back and forth his thoughts wander off. How was he gonna tell his 10 year old daughter that her mother was dying. I mean she is smart, really smart, but this was gonna be a lot for her to handle. He looks down on the crying girl in his arm. She wasn't trembling anymore but her tears were still streaming down her face. She would let out all her tears and then she would stand up and be strong again. That's what she learned from her mother. Even though Luna didn't look like his wife, she had her traits. She had her character and her way of doing. Her let his hand strike through her brown hair as she calmed down. "can we see mommy now" she whispers with her voice barely audible. He looks her in her green eyes and gives her a weak smile while wiping away a tear. "Ofcourse we can"

The ride to the hospital was silence, but it was not a tensed silcence. As soon as parks the park he helps his daughter out of the car. Her hand is pinched into his while they walk into the white hospital. He watches his daughter her eyes grow bigger as soon as the enter the lobby. People are walking, running and there is a lot happening. She stops for a split second. Probably to take in everything happening around her. After looking around for a while her father slightly pulls her arm causing her to snap out of her thoughts. She sheds her father a small smile before following him to the reception. "Good afternoon, what can I do for you?" the dark haired receptionist looks up from her computer giving the duo a small smile. "We wanted to visit my wife and her mother" he says pointing to the smaller girl next to him. "Who do you want to visit and what are your names?" the receptionist speaks. "We're coming for Mandy Porter. And our names are Walter and Luna Porter". The woman is filling in something on her computer and after a few second she looks up again. "Mandy Porter, Room number 405 on the third floor. If you go that way, take the elevator up and the immediatly go to your right you'll walk right into the right hall" she says pointing to the right direction. The older man gives her a nod while taking his daughters hand and walking into the indicated direction. Up to see his wife

KRISTINS POV

I see Norbert running into the side wing leaving Idina alone on stage. The soft melody of the music starts playing an soon enough the beautiful voice of Idina echoes through the theatre.

Hands touch, eyes meet.
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But i'm not that girl

All I can do is look at her in awe hoping that nobody is watching me do that. On the other side it is nothing new that I just stand there watching her singing this song. I've been doing that even before we had a thing, or when we knew we had a thing. She paused for a second looking around the theatre. She lets out a small sign before continuing. 

Don't dream too far
Don't loose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Every so often, we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't softenthe ache we feel
When reality sets back in

My thoughts wander off to the conversation we had yesterday about the article. I can feel the same fear coming up as I had yesterday while having that talk. The fear of losing her, the fear of never being able to be hers. Or the fear of never being able to have her to be mine in public. I know she wants it to stay this way, but I'm just afraid that she will find someone better.

Blithe smile, light limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl

"Earth to Kristin" Norbert pulls me on my arm as I snap back out of my thoughts. "We have to go" he whispers as I realise I missed my cue. We run up the stairs to the bridge above the stage. From the corner of my eyes I can see Idina running under the bridge making me smile. Norbert takes my hand and we walk over the bridge. When we get to the other side it doesn't take long before Idinas soothing voice starts singing again

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know

While singing that sentence she looks up to the side where Norbert and I are standing and our eyes meet for a split second making my belly go crazy. She gives me a rapid wink making my cheeks burn up. She is being a fucking tease and all I'm hoping is that Norbert didn't see a thing

He loves her so
I'm not that girl

She holds on to that low note and she gives me another look before Carole walks on stage with her huge red umbrella. I look down one last time and follow Norbert down the stairs to continue the show.

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