You Learn To Live Without || Chenzel Story

40. no more lies

*2 months later* 

IDINAS POV

I wake up to the sound of my alarm combined with the sharp morninglight coming through the curtains. After I shut it off I slowly sit myself up. For a few second I let the silence in my apartment fall over me. No nightmares, no flashbacks and no panicattack. A small smile appears on my face and with some disbelieve I slowly stroke my hands through my hair. "I'm processing" I softly let out before throwing my feet over the side of the bed. I grab my phone from the bedside table and unlock it to find a text from kristin. "Goodmorning Dee, I hope you slept great. Don't worry about me, I slept a normal amount." there is a smiley face behind it and I chuckle when I notice the time she send it. "If I wouldn't have known you I would be concerned about the fact that you send this at 4 am.. But I slept great, thanks for caring. Are you still coming over tonight after the theatre?" I send the text and get myself up to get ready for today. I'm in my first week back on stage after my accident and I really forgot how exhausting broadway is. Joe was happy to have me back but told me to assure him that I was okay now. I had given him a small smile and told him that I was ready to go back on stage again. The last two months had been rough with all tha catching up on my vocals and energy, but I was ready to go back on stage. Cara had called me every week to check up on me and no matter what I was talking about she would always come back to the fact that she felt quilty for leaving me alone too soon. This has been going on for 2 months now because of my panic attack after she just left. "Curly, how many time have I told you to stop worrying about that. It happened and you couldn't do anything about it." that's what I told her everytime until she would give in and shut up about it. To be fair it turned out better than I could've expected. Kristin and I talked the day after. We talked, cried and laughed. We were us again for the first in a long time

"Kris?" I softly bring out causing the blonde next to me to hum. "What's wrong, do you need something?" she says ready to get up to get me anything I want. I quickly reach out grabbing her hand as I feel something going through my whole body. Apperantly I'm not the only one feeling it because Kristins eyes shoot to me locking them with mine. "You felt that too?" she whispers almost afraid to believe it. I can feel the tears behind my eyes as I give her a small nod. "I did" my voice is barely audible as I slowly let go off her hand. "Dee?" she sits herself next to me. "What's wrong?" she attempt to grab my hand again but I pull it away. "Why did you leave?"  Her hand is resting on my knee and I can see how it starts twitched. "I- I'm" she starts fiddling her fingers and looks down. "Please, be honest with me." I whisper causing her to look up to me. "I didn't leave wicked because of you. I actually did that because of candide, because I needed something new. But I did make the choice to leave you, I made a selfish choice. Because" she falls silent for a few seconds her eyes focussed back on her fingers. "Because I wanted.." she stops for a moment probably thinking. "I thought I needed to protect myself from being hurt." she lets out and I see a tears falling down on her shorts leaving a dark spot. "You hurt me Kris, you broke me." I speak out with an desperate undertone. "I know, I knew that with every word I said to you. And I spend all those minutes apart from you blaming myself. For being so stupid. Because I didn't only lie to myself, I lied to you. Because I can't miss you. I can't not love you. I just can't" her voice breaks in the last few words and the tears are silently streaming down both of our faces. "We can work this out, together" I give her a small smile while gently stroking over the back of her hand. "Starting with no more lies"

I snap out of my thoughts by the doorbel ringing. I've been home from the theatre for about an hour and I must have zoned out. I frown my eyebrow and look over to my phone to check the time. As I open the phone I see 4 texts from Kristin and 2 phonecalls. 
"I'm here, open up" "Idina?" "Don't make me have to break the door down?" "Idina this is not funny, you're not doing this to me again"
I rush myself to the intercom and press the button. Within 2 minutes there is a knock on my door and before I fully opened the door the smaller blonde jumps in my arms. "Please don't do that again." she whispers and I now notice the tears in her eyes. "I thought you were in pain.." then I realise what she is getting at and I look at her. "I'm sorry" I let out and in the back of my head I hear my own voice saying. No more lies

KRISTINS POV

During diner I watch Idina across from me moving around her food on the plate. "you should eat, you need it" I state causing her to snap out of her zone. "yeah I know" she gives me a smile but I know better than that she is overthinking something. After both finishing out plates we clean up and eventually end up on the couch. I genlty play with Idinas thick brown hair while she just silently stares forwards. After a while she shifts and sits herself up facing me. "hi there" is all I say. After a few second of her looking at me and not saying anything I get uncomfortable. "Dee what's wrong, your scaring me" I speak shifting myself a little so I sit the total opposite of her. "I- I haven't been totally honest with you" she finally speaks causing my heart to beat faster. "What do you mean? Wait what, how long?" I ask her and I can feel her shutting down on me again. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall out" I put my hand on her hand to give her some reassurance. "Please let me tell everything before you react okay? This has been on my mind for a long time and I think I'm ready to finally tell you" her voice is barely audible and I just give her a nod. "It's about Taye" she starts and I can feel my heart picking up its speed but I remain silience. "I've always told you and basically everyone who asked that we broke up because we just grew apart. But that's not totally true. Even after he assaulted me I told you that we parted because of that. But the truth is he abused me. Not so much physically, but mentally. I walked in on him cheating on me and firstly I just frozen. In the moment I froze until suddenly I felt his cold hands on my body. He told me that that was what I deserved and told me to leave. So I left the apartment. I told myself that maybe I deserved that" my heart skips a beat and I want to interrupt her to say that she would never deserved to be treated that way. "He called me two days after that asking me to come home to talk. But when I got home everything escalated. He forced me to stay with me. I'm not going to go into detail, but it was far from a gentle way of asking me that. It seemed normal for the outside. He took me on dates, we did premieres together and we had family things. But behind closed doors he wanted more." she looks down and I know exactly what she means. "I did it for 4 months. Jet tried to convince me, but there was a nice side. He truely has a good side, that's why  stayed for so long. Until one night he came home drunk and I was asleep on the couch. He woke me up by kissing me and that was before everything went black. Eventually Jet found me, called the cops and we managed to hide as much as we could. He is the only one that knows. I signed the divorce papers while Taye was in therapy and with that I knew it would be over. The only thing to do was to keep that locked box actually locked." she looks up to me to let me know that she is finished. The tears are shimmering in her eyes and she is trying her hardest to hold back her tears. "oh dee" I finally let out and that's the moment she breaks. "I'm sorry for not telling you. I just couldn't. Jet told me too tell when I was ready, but I just couldn't. I just wasn't ready. And I had a flashback and then I remember that we promised no more lies and I freaked out. Please forgive me" she starts rambling about three different things at the same time and I hear her breathing picking up the speed. If she goes on like this she will probably have an panic attack. I look around the room to find anything that can help me here, but there seems nothing. Before I can think of any consequences I lean in and place my lips onto hers. At first Idina doesn't know how to react but she softens into the kiss after a while. For the first time in months my lips are sealed with hers again and I can literally feel my world spin around. Although the circumstances we're in right now are not that ideal all my mind can think of is how much I missed her. After a while she breaks of the kiss while panting softly. "that was uhm.." she stutters. "The only way to shut you up" 

Hi y'all
How are y'all doing! I hope you're good <3
Hope you like this chapter xo Mel